Sheltered (WIP)

Life in General

   It was a rather eventful time in my life I suppose, inside of school and out. I really was being consumed by my anxiety (I had no clue that was what it was at the time). I was just in such fear of throwing up my anxiety would give me stomach aches and that would also add to it. I really didn't eat that much out of my own choice. I just was too afraid to eat. Sometimes going to sleep wouldn't be easy either. It kept me up late though that got better over time. I hadn't been receiving treatment of any kind though. Only medications for my add so I could focus in class, I would get distracted a lot without it as my imagination was very fast and I would Day dream a lot. I had a lot of fantasies about things happening and saving people, being the hero to them. Of course if those things ever happened I'm sure my anxiety would have overcome me. Even today sometimes I imagine it though, just different scenarios and different people. A few years later I recall that imagination actually paid off. I remember in church one of the mothers wasn't watching her toddler and he was climbing on a chair and I just knew it was going to fall. Miraculously my reflexes kicked in just in time as he did fall and I was able to catch him. He did fall again later on but at least he wasn't really injured.   I had been taken karate at the time for the last 3 years and I wasn't great at it but I got a grey belt with two stripes which is pretty much the 2nd best someone could get for how long I had been there. I had also started taking swimming lessons around the time. The lessons were indoors in Sayville Middle School and it did give me a bit of a homey feeling because I had taken lessons there when I was really little. There was  also a diving board they would give you time to use which was exciting because I had never used a diving board. I did have one not so memory though where I think they put me underwater and I wasn't ready, I didn't have goggles so the chlorine did sting my eyes. One night I had a nightmare where I threw up and it made me feel sick the following Saturday morning. I had karate and swimming that day but I managed to make it through and it was a satisfying feeling at the end of the day. My mom ended up letting me get this remote controlled car with a camera on it that had "night vision" (which didn't work) but it was still very exciting to me.   As for inside of school I remember we would read Aesop's fables and poems by Robert Louis Stevenson as well as other poets. I do remember the first poem was about school bells or something and I actually wish I could remember it now. It was something relating to school and fall and playing in the leaves. We had to read books and I remember one of the books that really interested me was about some kids in Norway. I always had an interest in my dads side which was Italian or well that's the only side I was able to learn about but it was cool because now I was learning about my moms side. I remember there was a boy named Olaf in it and he was named after a Viking. I so far haven't been able to find the book. This was all before frozen came out which made it a lot harder to really do an in depth search.   The main problems I would face on a daily basis in these times were primarily staying in the right postures during mass and rosary. This would get very tiring and I went there without the proper nutrition a few times and began to lose my senses. At one point I went blind and the teachers had to guide me back where they gave me grapes for my malnutrition. On the way back I walked into a door but fortunately it did not shatter. I also had gym class which would be tiring. The school was in a church and there was no changing room however I still had to change somewhere and the two options (sometimes only one) would be to change in the dirty bathroom or in this room behind the classroom. In the bathroom whenever you changed you always just had a sort of dirty feeling. In the back room behind the classroom (which was also the rectory and held the cassocks aka uniform for the altar boys) I'd always get an anxiety when changing feeling like someone would walk in while I was changing. It turned out that anxiety wasn't too far stretched as the secretary and teacher had walked in on separate occasions. Fortunately I had my pants on when it happened but it still was kind of embarrassing to me. One of the times I was hit in the face with the door. God, it wasn't even October. What else was in store?