TEXT MSG, minsung

47

¡trigger warning!

(mention of attempted suicide)

***

"mom," minho called out to the woman in the kitchen that chilly saturday night, "i'm going out."

minho's mother stuck out her head from the kitchen, pulling out her baking gloves from her hands. her expression showcased both curiosity and questioning.

"really? okay. but where are you heading to?"

minho tried hard to swallow the lump in his throat. "i just want to get some fresh air. after all...you've been telling me how i need to get out more as of late."

at this she laughed, albeit a little tiredly. "i did. well, okay then. have fun! are you going to meet seungmin and the others?"

minho's left hand shook at that moment, but he clenched it and shoved it into his jean pocket before his mother could catch sight of it. she had a bad habit of being too curious for her own good.

"...not tonight."

minho couldn't look his mother in the eye, because he feared he'd breakdown right there and then if he did. before he could think twice about what he was going to do tonight, he clicked open the door to his house and stepped out, letting the cold wind engulf his entire body.

his steps down the graphite steps were hurried, and despite the way his legs felt like jelly, he just couldn't cease his movement. it was like he was on autopilot, relying majorly on the plan he'd thought of for quite a while now to dictate all his steps.

minho knew where he was heading like the back of his hand. it was the perfect destination to clear his thoughts, as it offered both secrecy and a serene atmosphere. he was certain he wouldn't get interrupted there.

but soon enough, like always, contrary thoughts and feelings started ebbing their way into his mind.

what if you fail? what if you get disrupted? are you really going to do this? what about your mother? what about seungmin, changbin and felix?

minho didn't have anything else to say to those thoughts other than that he was sorry, and extremely apologetic for being so selfish tonight and being so set on partaking in something that was irreversible.

i'm so sorry.

minho found it bitterly ironic how he was uttering those three words that he'd came to hate with every bit of his being like a mantra inside his head, but yet he couldn't stop himself.

minho stopped walking as soon as he'd gotten to where he was going, his shoes scraping harshly against the muddy lumpy soil of the ground.

up ahead, there was a cliff, one minho used to visit quite a lot when he was a kid, as he'd been quite the dare-devil when he was younger. he'd sneak out of his house at night with changbin and come here, both of them wanting to see how far they could walk over the high cliff before they were in danger of falling off the edge.

as both him and changbin grew older, their visits gradually lessened as life grew harder and their responsibilities increased. but now, here minho was back again.

"i've missed you, old friend," minho spoke, his voice raspy, barely above a whisper. he sounded so weak and fatigued, very much unlike the way he used to be when he was younger. minho chuckled lightly at how things had changed.

minho started to walk again, not stopping until he got closer to that edge. it was definitely a lot more unstable now, sand and uneven rocks falling off of it with every step minho took. far below it was the sea, its dark waves twisting and rolling over due to the harsh currents.