First Sight

Three

Weeks pass, and I get closer and closer to Mira, and in turn Grant. As it turns out, they have been good friends since Mira moved in. I didn't plan on knowing Grant more. I didn't want to because I knew it would spark the tugging in my heart. But after Mira took me under her wing, it was inevitable.

Every day at lunch, I sit next to Mira, across from Grant. A few guys on the baseball team sit there too, along with their girlfriends. Every time Grant talks, I avoid eye contact.

And somehow, Mira notices.

She stops me in the halls one day after the fourth period. "Do you have something against Grant?"

"What? Of course not," I reply.

"Then why don't you ever talk to him? He tries to get you to notice him but you won't and he's beginning to think he's doing something wrong."

"I like him, Mira, I really do."

"Then why do you ignore him?"

"I don't mean to..."

Mira stares into me. I try to look away but find myself continually glancing back. "Alright," she says, and grabs my arm. She leads me into the SBO room and plops into one of the chairs. "Spill the tea."

"There's no tea."

"Oh, please. I can see right through you, Sean. What do you have against

Grant?"

"I don't have anything against him." Anxiety flows through my body, and my leg begins to bounce. I look everywhere except for Mira's piercing eyes.

"What's on your mind?"

Say it, I think to myself. Over and over and over. Sayitsayitsayit you dumbass.

"Sean, do you like Grant?"

"Yeah, he's pretty cool."

"I mean do you like him like him?"

I don't say anything, and neither does Mira. The silence is a bitch.

"I can't," I hear myself say quietly. Tears well up in my eyes and I find myself spilling all of my emotions right there. "My parents would beat me. They'd kick me out and have to move again and Peter would be alone and I just can't do that to him. He's only fourteen, he's still so young and he probably doesn't even know the concept of love and here I am trying to figure it out too. I don't know what I'm feeling, I don't know how to feel, I'm just..."

Mira embraces me and I start to bawl. "You're not alone," she simply says. "I love you for who you are."

I take a few deep breaths. "Mira..." I say, "I think I'm gay."