"Jealousy was the first thing I've felt, love was the second and pain was the last"
In which Felix meets Changbin a mysterious guy who he thought was just an attention seeker.
This story mentions mental health, depression, suicide and self-harm.
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Staring at the shiny blue floor and humming to his favorite song, Felix walked through the crowded hospital hall as he looked around for his mother who was supposed to be waiting for him at the front door but she was no where to be found instead. He has been waiting for around twenty minutes, which was a very long time for him since he was far from being a patient person so he just decided to get in and look for her on his own, she probably forgot about me, he thought shaking his head as he continued to stroll around in the hospital hoping he'd see her or at least one of her colleagues.
After checking the first floor and not finding neither his mother nor anyone he knows, Felix let out a groan and headed towards the elevator, already tired and considering sleeping in the waiting room.
It's not that bad, right? He thought as he looked at the plastic seats then shook his head and turned back to the elevator, he was about to press on the button when he saw Doctor Byun, his mother's friend and colleague walking out of a room and towards one of the nurses and without wasting any time, Felix ran towards the doctor not even caring about the fact that he's going to interrupt their conversation.
"Oh my god finally" Felix breathed as he leaned against the wall next to them and looked up at the nurse who just gave him an annoyed glare before walking away and then turned his attention back to the man who was raising an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to talk "Oh sorry for interrupting Doctor Byun but have you seen my mom? I've been looking for her everywhere!"
"Mhmm I think she's helping with an operation" The doctor replied, looking at Felix who groaned and slid down the wall "Why aren't you with your brother?"
"I don't know where the fuck he is, I asked the reception and she told me that they moved him but they don't know to which room" Felix groaned once again "They don't know which room? Like isn't that their job to know where their patients are at? Like what kind of hospital is thi-"
"They moved him to the VIP ward" Doctor Byun informed making Felix stop complaining and quickly stand up to look at him.
"VIP ward? Really? There's a VIP ward here? Do you know what room he's in?" Felix asked impatiently.
"Yeah on the second floor, I think it was 245" The doctor sighed.
"Okay thank you!" Felix shouted before he started running towards the elevator, almost hitting an old woman with his skateboard "Oopsie! Sorry ma'am"
Finding the VIP ward wasn't hard for Felix, in fact, all he had to do was take the elevator and ask the nurse for the directions but just when he thought that he could finally rest she told him that room 245 was occupied by someone other than his brother and that she didn't know where he was either since he wasn't registered in the VIP ward yet but Felix being the stubborn boy he is, still wanted to check the room thinking that maybe they forgot to change the names.
"Ugh what do I do?" Felix groaned as he looked at the white door, imagining how awkward it would be if he walks into a stranger's room then shook his head and took a deep breath.
I should still try, walking into someone's room isn't as worse as sleeping in the street.
"Please be jeongin" He prayed as he reached for the doorknob and started opening the door slowly trying his best not to make any noise and wake whoever is in the room. He took a look inside the slightly dim room but he couldn't see anything from where he was standing so he started walking to the bed but stopped once he saw who was on it.
It wasn't his brother.
It was a guy who looked his age or a little older.
Felix mentally apologized to the unconscious guy and was about to turn around and leave but stopped mid-turn when he noticed the blood-stained bandage that was wrapped around his neck. Trying to get a better look, Felix slowly walked closer and gasped when he noticed that even his arms were wrapped in bandages.
"Holy shit" Felix muttered as he backed away from the bed, eyes still wide open, was he attacked by bears or what?
"Can you stop staring?" A raspy voice said making the blonde jump in surprise and turn his attention back to the unconscious guy who still had his eyes closed.
Oh shit he's awake, Felix mentally screamed at himself for not leaving the second he noticed that it wasn't his brother, why did you stay you curious piece of shit why!!
"Uh I'm sorry I got the wrong room" Felix bowed apologetically and waited for the guy to say something but he didn't even bother to move or open his eyes. Felix didn't know what to do so he just slowly started backing away towards the door and bowed once again before reaching the doorknob "I'm so sorry once again, I-I'll get going I guess, uu-uh get well!"
Closing the door behind him, Felix let out the long breath he was holding the whole time and leaned against the wall as he tried to calm his racing heart.
"I was wrong, sleeping in the street is better," He said as he looked back to the closed door, the images of the bloody bandages flashing back in his mind.
"Why would you sleep in the street?" A familiar voice asked making him turn around to face his mother who was now taking her mask and gloves off "And why were you in this room?"
"Because I've been walking around in this freaking hospital for an hour but you were nowhere to be found and I lost my keys so I don't have anywhere to go and y'all keep moving jeongin so I didn't know which room he was in so I walked into a stranger instead!" Felix snapped, letting out all of the anger and the embarrassment he was holding in.
"Felix we have a spare key under the doormats" His mother sighed as she shook her head.
"Ohhh I completely forgot about it haha my bad, sorry mom" Felix said in a small voice and laughed awkwardly, feeling guilty for snapping at his mother "Anyways what's up with the guy in this room?"
"Oh him" His mother said, a sad expression taking over her face as she looked at the closed door and sighed again "Suicide attempts"
"Attempts?" Felix repeated, his face dropping "Like not just one attempt but attempts? as in many attempts? Damn, do you know why?"
"First of all watch your language little boy and you know that I can't give more information about the patients" His mother warned him as she grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around to the other direction and pointed at the end of the hall "Jeongin is in room 256 if you want to visit him, now I need to get ready for another surgery. Take care and don't go home late!"
"But-" Felix started but his mother has already started walking away "Ugh okay!"
He turned around and looked at the white door one last time before he started walking towards his brother's room, suicide attempts, the words repeated in his head, Oh how much I hate these words...
