When you believe

Chapter III: "When the horn is blown"

She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep at all that night. Bridget felt too troubled to be able to rest, too many ideas and so many thoughts were making their way through her mind. They kept her constantly thinking, wondering about so many things and for that Bridget wasn't feeling a tad of sleepiness. She'd secured a night of insomnia, apparently.

The girl was constantly closing her eyes, trying to convince herself she actually wanted to sleep but deep inside her the only thing that was certain for her was the fact that she wanted answers. She wanted the truth. She wanted to know what was real and what wasn't. Her curious mind demanded explanation.

One question was prowling all the time within her mind:

I don't believe in Narnia because I know it isn't real or because I don't want to think it really exists?

Maybe after all Narnia was there on the other side of the wardrobe...

No! she thought straight away. I know there isn't such a world as Narnia. It can't be!

Well, after all if Narnia existed or not, Bridget would never accept it because of her pride. Her stubbornness was one of the things that could make her or break her. When she thought she knew something, she most certainly had to be right about it...

Thank God Bridget had no school the next day because she had had a lousy night's rest. She couldn't tell for sure, but she had probably slept around four hours only and a terrible headache was the consequence of her lack of sleep.

She immediately told her mother after she woke up how bad she was feeling. The always caring Susan told her to stay in bed while she fetched her a nice cup of warm tea.

Susan came back after a few minutes with a cup filled with mix of chamomile, mint and rosemary tea to soothe her daughter's ache.

"You didn't sleep at all, didn't you?" Susan more affirmed than asked while Bee was taking the first sip of her tea.

"How do you know?"

"Well, I can tell for those huge dark circles under your eyes, dear."

True. They really must have been huge...

"But I know it is because of all that I've told you about Narnia, me being a queen, Aslan, the horn" Susan continued. "I couldn't sleep well either after Lucy told us she had found a magical land inside a wardrobe" she almost laughed when she said that, remembering her reaction to her little sister's words "But then, when she told us Ed had been there as well and he denied it... and then Professor Kirk saying Lucy was right. That kept me awake the whole night. Just as it happened to you. I had doubted my sister's words, but the fact that a professor was vouching for her... "

"But, mom... I can't believe Narnia is real" Bridget said barely in a whisper.

"Bee, but you can believe me. It is. It is as real as this world we're living in."

Susan was really making an effort in making her daughter believe. But why? Bridget didn't really understand why her mother was trying so hard. After all Narnia was kind of an alternate universe... It was not like she could go there anyway. So why believe in a place she would never see?

"Mom, I just wish you would stop trying to make me think Narnia is real. For me it isn't real and it will never be! No matter how hard you try you won't fool me as you're fooling Alice and Caroline... So please, just stop it."

Bridget could see her words had somehow managed to hurt her mother. It was clear in her eyes, and for a moment Bee wished she'd stayed quiet.

Maybe Bee was right. Maybe she should stop trying to make her oldest daughter accept as true her most cherished belief. After all, that was exactly what Narnia was for her. It was everything she believed in... but apparently that was only for her to believe.