Today was Friday, but it wasn't just any Friday. I didn't bother going to school today because I knew I would just be an unpleasant person. I always kept my feelings tucked inside but today was different. I stood next to the evergreen tree staring down at the gravestone.
Here lies Blanche Maria Aksakor September 1977 – May 2009 Mother, Daughter, and Friend Loved and Missed Everyday
On the back of the grave, I made sure they engraved my mother's favorite quote. Well, it was the words she always said when I asked her if she misses her mom.
Those we Love don't go away They walk beside us every day
Today it's been six years since she was murdered and it was the first time in five years that I was able to visit her grave. The grass was cut nicely and the grave was taken care of. I knew this was Silva's doing. Her grave was in the Ferreira's Tomb after all.
Next, to my mother's grave, Silva's family laid. There was his Mother, Father, older brother, and his grandparents. There was still enough space for 2 gravestones, His and Grace's. It is sad how we throw away our lives doing things we don't love or what others expect us to do.
Slowly I sat down next to my mother's grave. The fresh roses I laid down earlier scent waves around me as the wind blows and the sky darkens because of a cloud. The sky looked like how I felt. I laid my head against the gravestone, not knowing what to say.
Before I was arrested I visited my mother's grave only trice. I couldn't bear to sit next to her as I was planning on killing someone. "Mother," I started. Biting my lip I continued
"Things around here aren't the same anymore; I'm no longer your sweet innocent child. I've done things you wouldn't be proud of." Of course, the was no reply, I wasn't expecting one but it felt good talking to her, thinking maybe she was listening.
"I've been going to University, you know. Acting like I'm not who I am. Making friends and throwing parties. Well, tonight would be my first party."
I wasn't like a normal person that lost a mother. Up until this morning I was jumping and not thinking about today, and once again tonight I would party like I didn't sit next to my mother's grave the whole day.
I started telling my mom about the house, school, my friends and last but not least Nikolai. "He is such a child. Always trying out a pickup line or playing a prank on some teacher. He is quite the flirt and if I wasn't who I am, I'd probably fall for it."
I gazed off into the distance; the sun was still high reaching its peak soon. Without looking at my watch I knew it was already almost midday. I sighed at the gravestone and stood up. After dusting off my pants I place a kiss on my hand and place my hand on the top of the gravestone.
"See you soon" I whispered before walking off and getting into my car.
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