Death | myg

The Beginning

When I first found out that I had terminal cancer, it felt like the whole world fell apart. In fact it was my little world.

I was a bubbly seventeen year old when I went to the doctor because of some stupid pains I had. As a seventeen year old teenager, I expected to walk in there, get an antibiotic, some painkillers and call it a day. But no, I was rushed to the hospital instead.

You know the feeling when you're under water? Where all the noises around you just fade away into light, quiet mumbles? That's the feeling I had when I heard the news. Everything went silent, just as if the world stopped. I completely blanked out. I didn't hear anything, I couldn't focus my sight on anything, as if I was already on my way to whatever place exists after death.

Since that day, I experienced a lot of different emotions. First came fear. The fear of death. The fear of not being able to move, to think, to see, to hear, to laugh, to cry or basically, to live. Fear consumed my mind for a very long time and it was definitely the emotion I felt the strongest about.

Then came sadness. Sadness mixed in with fear a lot of the time. Its like both emotions had to be paired together to get the full "experience". I was sad because I wouldn't be able to see my loved ones anymore. I was sad that I wouldn't be able to do all the things I've always wanted to do. I was sad that I wasted seventeen years of my life, not doing anything significant.

The next emotion I felt was anger. Now anger was one that really, let's just say, fucked me over. Anger was definitely a wrong turn to take on this journey to death but unfortunately I feel like it couldn't be skipped. Basically I was angry at the whole world. I was angry at the girl passing me on the street looking all healthy and enjoying her life. I was angry at the doctors for not trying hard enough to treat my illness. I was angry at my parents for giving birth to a child with cancer. I was even angry at people taking away their life, just because I was going to lose mine.

At some point I even felt happiness. I was sick of seeing my family in pain and I just wished it was all over. I know that my parents were struggling extremely financially because of all the treatments I had to go through. I guess I was just sick of everything. It just felt like I was running and running, losing all my energy, but yet staying in the exact same place as in the beginning. To sum up I think I was happy that I would be gone soon to stop causing so much pain to everyone around me.

And here we are four years later. After going through all that, I'll tell you the truth.  Now, I don't care.

My "life" is going just great. I dropped all my friends since they started to treat me differently, like I was fragile. They pitied me a lot and that is the one thing I hate the most.

We stopped all the treatments. It was my decision to stop when I got my most recent results and it didn't show any improvement. It was all just a waste of money and since I was going to die soon enough anyways, I rather spend it on other things. My parents protested a lot and tried to convince me to continue but I think we were all sick of it all at that point. The constant hospital visits, treatments, pills, everything was just all too tiring. At least to me anyways.

I get to live my life freely now, I mean obviously I'm not healthy and I really shouldnt be living my life the way I am, but honestly I just stopped giving a shit.

I have been counting down the days until I die. The doctor said I have a month left to live. Whether this is good news or bad news, I don't really know. All I know is that I'll be gone and I won't have to put up with this world anymore.

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So this is the first chapter. It is quite short, they will get longer throughout the book. All further chapters will be a countdown to the person's death. So each chapter is going to be each day. The reason why I'm saying the persons, is because I want this book to be open to interpretation, whether you want the person to be you or imagine another person, whichever gender.
I don't think that I will be doing a Yoongi pov, and if I do, the book will still be mostly in the pov it is in now.

Please leave your thoughts and opinions in the comments, I would love to work on my writing and improve it. Thank you so much for reading this chapter and I hope you will enjoy the rest💕.