Sterek One-shots

Goodbye.

(TW: implied attempted suicide and suicide note.)

Dear Derek, 

(If you are not Derek, stop reading.)

Now Derek, stop with those tears that I know you'll undoubtedly have.

In no way was this your fault, in fact, it's all mine. I'm a coward, Derek. That's all I'll ever be. Especially in your eyes, a weak, pathetic, human, coward. And I get that, it's fair because it's true and sometimes the truth hurts. God, it hurts. And I know you never actually said anything like that, not directly to my face anyway, but it was obvious in every glance and every time you shoved me up against a wall and every time you spoke my name. It was always there, like an ever-present force, pushing me away. 

Again this is not your fault, it was all just too much. Too Goddamn much and I couldn't handle it. I'm sorry, not that you care, but I am. I know you all might think me selfish and that I took the easy way out but this is what's best for everyone, I promise. Because I am all the things you see when you look at me. I could never help, I'll always be a hindrance. I mean come on, I killed my best friend's girlfriend, well ex but still I should've been stronger. Derek, it's all my fault, I ruined everything from my brother's life to yours. We could've all been normal, you could've continued your life without having to deal with a bunch of annoying teens, without having to deal with me. You could've gotten on with life without the hyperactive spaz – Scott told me – I know you would've loved that. 

I just can't deal with it any more Derek, not any more. They all look at me with either pity, disgust or both and I just can't. At first, I thought you were different but then I looked closer and realised that your eyes held something so, so much worse. They held hate, hate so pure it scared me. It always intensified when I explained a plan or, well, anything at all. I guess it's fair though, they always ended poorly. Someone always got hurt. It was always my fault. Again I'm sorry. I ruined your life. I thoroughly fucked everything up. I know I can't reverse any of that but I can stop it from happening again. I can stop hurting people, I can stop ruining lives, I can stop the pain, I can stop the hurt, I can stop everything, stop it all. Including the look in your eyes.

I should say goodbye in person, but I can't bring myself to, I can't bear to see your hate-filled eyes again. Especially since it's the opposite of everything I want... well, if all goes to plan, wanted. Derek, it hurts too much, looking into your eyes is too hard; so full of what I never wanted, so lacking of everything I needed.

So this is goodbye, goodbye forever. Just promise me one thing, promise to remember. Remember I love you, Derek Hale... Remember I loved you, Derek. Goodbye.

I look up from the tear-stained page, not all of which were mine, to look at the weak figure lying under the crisp, white hospital sheets. I gently entwined our fingers, squeezing lightly, "You were wrong, it was not hate, never hate. I could not hate you Stiles Stilinski, only love, only ever love. And I hated myself for that because everyone I love gets hurt or hurts me and I couldn't deal with that. Not again. You shouldn't be sorry, I should, I was the coward. I should never have lied to you because I love you, Stiles, I will make this up to you." 

There was a small squeeze back.