Of All The Things I've Lost

Loss #1- Mom...Dad...and Father?

            Much like the rainbow, my roots start with some grassy greens of Ireland.. mix in 1/3 of a cup of Cherokee Indian, a dash French and English ancestors to taste and vava-BOOM you have one Drury bloodline coming right up. Unfortunately, unlike those pesky leprechauns, my family's pot of gold went missing long ago.. bummer right? Having said that I suppose a very nice place to start would be my name. See my mom, the goddess that she is, bestowed me with a beautiful name that has an even more astounding meaning. Caitlin meaning "Pure", Danielle meaning "One of love" and Drury meaning "Friendship, and Born of the druids." So in essence I was named "Pure Love born of the Druids." Pretty dang cool right? So what does one named "Pure Love" do? Simple really... I understand.

Ever since I was little I've had the gift of understanding. Which is subset specialty of empathy. Not just feeling others emotions but understanding how the actions they are taking relate to the emotion. Specially during conflict, if you can explain the facts of the situation to me than chances are, I can understand the underlying human response... thanks empathy. It is when actions stray from emotion that as a person, I become genuinely confused. So what have I lost exactly? I'm glad you asked. If I wrote them all into one post, why would you come back? So lets start with....

Loss #1- Mom.... Dad...and Father?

                To some having a full parental set is a blessing and to others a curse. For me it's both and neither simultaneously. The goddess that is my mom diligently played the role of both parents until my teen years. Often working 2 or even 3 jobs to support our household, my mom relied heavily on my Uncles wife to watch me during the day. I'd often be asleep by the time she got home, but she loved me very much and would even bring home stuffed toys or Taco Bell kids meal collectibles. Anything to remind me that she was always thinking about me, even though she worked so hard. I am an only child, and yet I have 6 brothers, 2 sisters, and a god family. You see, my mother and father only made one combination of excellence and that is yours truly.

                  My dad wasn't around...and not in the "left-for-a-new-family" kind of way but in the "It's-impossible-for-me-to-have-kids-you-liar." Kind of way. So my mom, formerly mentioned goddess, took care of me without him and get this.. she didn't even file for child support. He got to have NO PART OF MY EXCELLENCE after all guys... I have "Shouldn't-exist-but-totally-do" status. Funny thing is, 2 years later my father sired a little boy. After having my little brother, he briefly came back and swore to my mom that he now understood the error of his ways and that he knew for a fact that I was his daughter. This show of "true man of responsibility" act lasted less than a month before he inevitably tried to get back with my mom, dismissing his handicapable wife and new son. The goddess formally known as mother, told him to take a long walk off a short pier and to go back home to his wife and son. Needless to say, he never really cared about being my father, only trying to get back with my mom after realizing that he could in-fact have children and he had totally messed up being with the great goddess of my creation. So he slithered away, ashamed of himself in the middle of the night. A few years after that, he divorced and remarried, giving life to a little girl and another little boy. Guess it's not so impossible after-all huh? I am sure he was a much better father to them than he could have ever been to me..but it was weird to discover my life had been denied as if the words "No, she is not mine." Could some how snuff out my entire being.

             So that's 4 brothers and 1 sister, now I know what you are thinking. If my mom only gave me 2 womb mates and my dad only sired 3 siblings.. how do I have 6 brothers and 2 sisters? There is no hidden step-father (there WAS but we can talk about him in Loss #3) as much as there is a god of creation who blessed me 3 times over.

            The summer I turned 13, I met a man who's name is as unbelievable as his strength, kind heart and 'jack of all trades' artistry. He was only 25 or 26 at the time when I joined a Livingston Texas' Live Action Role Play group, Drakenfjord. In order to play at my age I had to have a legal guardian with me at park and a waver signed by my mom,stating that we would not sue if I got injured. Being as my mom couldn't be there and I had no guardian willing to go with me, I was not going to be allowed to play. This unbelievable man, who didn't know me at all agreed to be my guardian on field therefore allowing me to play. We shall call this man of greatness, Father. Over time, Father learned about my unstable family life -we will get to that in a bit- and about my lack of a paternal figure. He quickly decided that he would help raise and teach me as his own daughter.. which he genuinely did. He met with my mom, and even she will tell you how unrealistically e true this man stuck to his word. He and his wife had a son at the time, no more than 3 or 4 but they took me into their hearts as one of their own. Later, after I had gone off to college they had Irish twins. A girl first and then a boy. So there you have it. 6 brothers and 2 sisters.

"Much like the rainbow, my life began with a great downpour, but beauty and color entered the world shortly after. Refusing to look doesn't stop the light from shining through and sharing its beautiful rays."– Katt Drury