Of All The Things I've Lost

Loss #2: Secure is... Not so secure.

Fun fact, the color for security is dark blue.

If security is dark blue does that mean a lack of security is crimson red?

             When my mother (previously mentioned goddess) was growing up, my grandparents moved around quite a bit, having my mom go through a series of awkward first day- transfer student- interactions. Not wanting the same thing for me, my mother sought out solidity. I had mentioned before that due to my mystical "shouldn't exist but totally do" status, my mother relied heavily on my uncles wife to watch me while she was at work. It is more accurate to say that I was in fact, watching my uncles wife.

             You see, my uncles wife was very fond of drinking, doing drugs and avoiding responsibilities. I was once even kidnapped at 3 years old by my older brothers, literally ex- con, father. This was due to my "aunt" not paying any attention as I casually walked outside, and got into the vehicle of a stranger because..."Hey look... my brothers.."exciting stuff right?! Obviously my mother found me, she didn't have to look hard, even though my own dad did not claim me, my brothers father did...over and over again. Glad someone could see my greatness, even if it was a crazy, rampaging, drunk criminal. -YEET!-

                   To add fuel to my already unstable fire, my uncle and his wife had 4 kids, 3 boys and a girl. The two oldest boys are born in 2 year stair step formation after me. Her two youngest are Irish twins (Boy than girl) born 11/12 years after me. As you might have figured out by now, we all lived together. My family owns a 3 bedroom 1 bathroom house smack dab in the middle of nowhere, backwoods, East Texas. So, not only was my uncles wife not paying any attention to me but her own sons often got forgotten, leaving the 3 of us to adventure our backwoods hick life mostly unsupervised.
Second to that great fuel, was her extensive need to OVERSHARE every detail she could possibly imagine with her pre-adolescent niece. My uncles wife was not only alcoholic, and drug addict but also a sexual deviant. Being as my mom and uncle were at work all the time, my "aunt" found unique "remedies" for her lust ridden addiction, which she would inevitably share with me. Let us just say that she was not the most faithful or modest wife, aunt or mother. I bet you are wondering why I never said anything to my uncle, or even my mom. The answer is simple really, I was afraid. I didn't think anyone would believe me, I didn't want to get in trouble... but most importantly, I didn't want to hurt my family.
Remember my brothers? Well they only visited during the summer and winter break, otherwise they stayed in Mississippi with their father's sister... the whole convict father thing meant that they didn't see him not behind bars. As I am sure you can imagine, they were not so happy with the way life was going for them in Mississippi. SO, my brothers would often take it out on me whenever they saw me. As we got older, I discovered it was a weird jealousy based around our mother. One that my brothers felt primarily.
It wasn't long until my grandparents, and 2 other uncles became a part of my daily life as well. My grandmother is a loss story of her own so I digress for now. So even though my physical home stayed static the environment and emotional climate around me was constantly shifting.

"Much like a scatter-blot test, my dark blue security was corrupted with rushes of intruding color causing both inner and outer chaos. Muddy, becomes the beauty of a hidden image when color corrupts the message."~Katt Drury

The fall after I turned 14 years old my entire sense of security shifted and then ultimately shattered. My uncle, may he now rest in peace, was also diagnosed with PTSD. One night his lovely wife convinced him to drink with her, like they did back when they were teenagers. My uncle, having previously served as a member of our Navy force, knew he shouldn't be drinking due to violent flashbacks and outbursts, so he initially refused. After a bit of discussion my 3 uncles, 2 older brothers and my eldest cousin made a pact. As along as the men stayed awake to prevent any mishaps, than Joey would drink. They say, hindsight is always 20/20, but I still wish I knew then, what I know now. I wish 6 men was enough security...