𝑺𝑶𝑭𝑻𝑪𝑶𝑹𝑬 ღ 𝑺𝑯𝑰𝑵𝑺𝑶 𝑯𝑰𝑻𝑶𝑺𝑯𝑰 𝑿 𝑫𝑬𝑵𝑲𝑰 𝑲𝑨𝑴𝑰𝑵𝑨𝑹𝑰

X

Monday, 12th of August

Kaminari's POV

"Ha! Eat that! How does it feel to be a loser?" I snicker as I slam an ace on the table, winning the fourth round. Hitoshi glares at me and slaps the cards he has on his hands on the table, some of them flying on the floor.

"I swear you're cheating or something," Hitoshi mumbles, taking a sip of his soda, annoyance radiating off of him.

"No. You're just a sore loser," I say, and stick my tongue out at him. Hitoshi lets one of his cats jump on his lap, and it eyes curiously what's happening on the table. I pick up the cards, shuffling them in my hands. There is something I want to ask, but I don't want to make Hitoshi uncomfortable with my curiosity. My hands feel cold and sweaty, and my mouth dry.

"What're you frowning about?" Hitoshi asks, his sudden gravelly voice startling me. I didn't know I was so easy to read.

"Uh- I was just.. thinking," I trail off. Hitoshi leans his body closer to the table, and the cat jumps off from his lap.

"About what?" he presses, his indigo eyes moving from watching my hands to my eyes.

"Why don't you live with your parents?" I say in a taut tone, internally regretting my blunt choice of words. Hitoshi seems to ponder what to answer for a moment before he says maybe the saddest thing I've heard.

"I don't have parents," Hitoshi replies in an apathetic voice, but his eyes give away just how much pain he feels. To distract himself, he blinks twice and clears his throat.

"May I ask-"

"They died. 10 years ago," Hitoshi cuts me off, reading my thoughts. I look at him with emphatic eyes, trying to reply something, but I can't give him any advice, nor encouraging words. I can't even imagine the pain he has had to endure, and I don't want to offend him by pitying him.

"You don't need to say that you're sorry. I've heard it too many times already," Hitoshi says. "In fact, I would prefer that you don't pressure yourself into trying to give me "the right words". It happened a long time ago. It's okay for you to not say anything," he continues, giving me a small, understanding smile. I reach my hand over the table and intertwine our fingers together, his fingertips feeling cold against my skin.

"Thank you," I reply, thankful for the fact that he is a smart, understanding person. I still have many questions that I wish to get answers to. Someday.

"Why do we always have to watch horror movies?" I whine, watching the eerie scene through my fingers. I flinch as another jumpscare comes on, and Hitoshi laughs at my reactions.

"Don't you like the thrill? The feeling of adrenaline running through your veins?" Hitoshi replies, shoving popcorn in his mouth.

"Absolutely not! You're a masochist or something," I reply, drawing my knees to my chest. Hitoshi gives me a smug smile, which I find frustratingly hot. I push my face into a pillow to hide my cheeks that are turning scarlet.

I try to turn my focus back on the movie, but fail miserably. I'm overly conscious of the person sitting next to me, the movement of his body, the rising of his chest as he breathes. During the quietest scenes, the only thing that could be heard was my shallow breathing and Hitoshi's slow one, and the occasional sound of his hand reaching into the bowl of popcorn.

"It wasn't too scary, now was it?" Hitoshi asks as the end credits start rolling. I breathe out deeply, glad that the movie is over.

"I'm not even gonna answer that," I mumble, and fish my phone out of my pocket. Hitoshi laughs with his low voice, and I bite my lip hard.

"Hey, my phone's nearly dead, do you mind borrowing your charger?" I ask, my eyes following him as he walks into the kitchen.

"It's in my room, next to my bed. Didn't you bring your own charger with you?" Hitoshi asks.

"No, I forgot," I reply sheepishly.

I go to Hitoshi's room to look for the charger, my eyes scanning over his neat room. I spot it on the floor and crouch to get it when something catches my eye. A dark brown notebook, with some text on the cover, is halfway hidden under Hitoshi's pillow. I grab the notebook and examine it, realizing that it is in fact, a diary. The text on the cover says "do not read". Kind of a cliché, but okay.

I shouldn't. I really, really shouldn't. This is my closest friend's diary, and I shouldn't invade his privacy. This diary was not meant to be seen by me, that's why it was under the pillow.

Then it hits me.

Hitoshi is still a big mystery to me. He doesn't like talking about himself, and he never voluntarily tells me about his past or the thing he likes, etcetera. This could teach me things about him that I probably never would know, as this is his diary. This would make me closer to him, I would actually know him.

I listen to the noises Hitoshi is making in the kitchen, and pray to the Gods that he doesn't walk in on me right now.

I open the diary easily, as there is no lock or anything to protect it. The first three pages are empty, then he has taken some notes, from lectures I assume. The next six pages are filled with grocery shopping lists, random math calculations, reminders, nothing that interests me. I flip the pages so fast I almost miss the one page that has a few sentences written on it. The text is written in cursive, with black ink.

I read the first word: Love

"All I've done is chase

for someone, anyone

to see me as I am

as I have been,

as I will be

yet they've found me

and I've been given hope once again

he speaks in warm tones

like the first ray of spring's sun greets

the frosted, numb earth

I sank deep into the golden pools

too deep, too quickly

I couldn't breathe

mirror on the wall

give me the answers

tell me all the ways to love him

without losing myself."

I sit there, holding my breath, just staring at the cursive words. Reading every single word over and over again. Shit.

a/n: i am terrible at writing poems, i'm sorry! and this is a bit short, sorry for that as well, but i'll make it up to you in the next chapters! i'm proud of myself for updating this a lot quicker than i usually do tho. 

i'm so excited for u guys to see the next chapters (i have already pre-written some) cuz they're my faves, and you'll finally get some actual shinkami content aslfkjks

see ya on the next chapter!