𝑺𝑶𝑭𝑻𝑪𝑶𝑹𝑬 ღ 𝑺𝑯𝑰𝑵𝑺𝑶 𝑯𝑰𝑻𝑶𝑺𝑯𝑰 𝑿 𝑫𝑬𝑵𝑲𝑰 𝑲𝑨𝑴𝑰𝑵𝑨𝑹𝑰

IX

Saturday, 3rd of August

Hitoshi's POV

Kaminari sits on the other side of the table, focusing on his drawing, while I try to work on my English homework. I noticed that he's wearing the same black turtleneck sweater that he wore on the day we hung out together for the first time. A simple silver ring is on his left hand's middle finger, and another silver ring with a cross is on his other hand's ring finger. He looks just as good now as he did back then, if not even better. If I were to say that having him sit right across from me wasn't distracting I would be a liar, but at the end of the day, I was the one who asked him to come over.

I look at the eccentric boy who is humming to himself as he listens to some indie song that is blasting through his earphones. He taps the end of his pen against the table in the rhythm of the music, his golden eyes fixated on the drawing in front of him. I had found out some time ago that he actually loves to draw, and he denied it at first, in the fear that I would make fun of him or something. The 7 sketchbooks that he has in his room said otherwise, though.

I felt confused at first, as to why he hides. As more and more time passes, the happy-go-lucky façade has started to come undone, revealing a new, uncharted Kaminari to me. His love for art, literature, and music are things that he doesn't talk about, ever. So needless to say, I was surprised when I found out that this boy with such an erratic and cheerful personality had a deeper, unexplored side to him. He showed me some of his art, and his style of drawing was quite.. peculiar. He was precise, his lines were perfectly straight and sharp, and they formed illustrations that always had some sort of message or a metaphor, that left me thinking. His favorite colors seemed to be black, red and different shades of gray, as he used only those colors in most of his drawings. I felt embarrassed when I first saw his art. I had expected to see fanart of some pop stars or anime characters, but his art seemed to be a way of venting, or processing, his own feelings. At least that's how I see it, I don't know if it's true. I didn't ask him. Sometimes I wish I had a mind-reading Quirk instead of a brainwashing one.

I felt like I was being too inquisitive whenever I asked about his interests, and I felt like he was lying when he said: "Oh I like this new anime that just came out." I knew he wanted to give a different answer. It bothers me that he feels as if he has to hide himself when he's with me. For whatever reason, he is reluctant to show the other side of him to me, despite the fact that I've opened up to him a lot during these past four-ish months. It may be a way of protecting himself. However, it still feels unfair. Maybe I'm just being selfish.

Even though I have a guilty conscience about my greed, it still doesn't stop my burning desire to know every inch of him, including his thoughts.

"Hitoshi?" Kaminari snaps his fingers in front of my face, and I come back to my senses, turning to look at his concerned eyes.

"Hm?" I ask, and he tilts his head to the side.

"Did you get enough sleep last night?" Kaminari asks and closes his sketchbook. I shake my head, earning a sigh from him.

"Should've known," he mutters, and I lean back on my chair, stretching my aching body. My shoulders are tense and my knuckles are bruised from the intense training I did yesterday. Guess boxing without gloves wasn't a good idea.

"You know I never sleep well," I state, and he turns to look at me, a displeased look on his face. He shoves his sketchbook into his backpack, shaking his head.

"I'm worried," Kaminari says quietly, and I furrow my brows.

"About me?" I question.

"Yes. You said this has been going on for years- why haven't you seen a doctor or something already? Sleeping is vital for humans, in case you didn't know," Kaminari says, looking me with what could be called uneasiness in his eyes.

"I have. Nothing helps. Therapy, pills, meditating, healthy lifestyle choices," I shrug. "I've grown used to it by now, though," I continue, and Kaminari huffs.

"Are nightmares the cause then?" Kaminari asks, leaning his chin on his palm. I swallow, looking down at Miki who is clawing at the hem of my pants.

"They are, aren't they?" Kaminari clarifies with a soft tone, reaching his hand over the table, and places it over mine. His warm palm wraps around my left hand, sending sparks all over my body. His thumb caresses my skin as he waits for me to talk.

"It's not always just nightmares. Sometimes it's just these- very like, gnarly heavy dreams. Then I wake up, or at least I think I do- I don't know. The line between dream and reality is sometimes just so.. fuzzy. It terrifies me because I don't know what's real and what's not," I rant, the blur of words coming out of my mouth at such a fast pace I'm afraid Kaminari didn't understand a word. His eyes are glued to me though, and he squeezes my hand.

"I can't give you any useful advice because I don't know what that's like, but you can always call me when you're unsure. It doesn't matter if it's night or day, I'll be there for you," Kaminari says in a calm tone, his hand still wrapped around mine. He doesn't give me the cheerful grin he usually does whenever he wants to ease the tension of the room. He looks at me with a neutral expression, expecting some sort of reply from me. My throat feels like it's closing in, so I'm only able to give him a nod and a thankful smile.

Later that day, after Kaminari forced me to take a nap and eat some sushi, we decided to play card games to kill time. I convinced Kaminari to stay the night, well, to be honest, it didn't take that much convincing as he's always eager to spend the night in here, and he had gotten his overnight bag while I was sleeping.

"You know how to play Karma?" Kaminari asks, shuffling the cards in his hands. I nod, clearing the table from all the cups and glasses. I wipe my mouth with a napkin, feeling much better now that I've rested and eaten.

"Prepare to lose," I say, giving him a cocky smile. Kaminari raises his eyebrows in response, handing me my cards.

"If I were you, I wouldn't be so overly confident," he says, looking at me from behind his cards. He hides an enchanting smile, looking at me through his long lashes. The light that hangs low above us creates shadows on his face, showing just how sharp his jawline is. His irises, blessed by the sweet colors that resemble honey and gold, shine in the dim light. How can one resist?

I've come to the realization that despite my attempts at pushing back the ache to be loved, I still ache. I still desire to be loved. I want to be cared for. And out of all the 7.7 billion people in the world, it just has to be by my closest friend. It's such a shame, isn't it? Throwing away the only genuine friendship I have in my life right now, for my own selfish needs.

The future of our friendship, or relationship, rests in Kaminari's hands now. My feelings are written in stone- or should I say, paper. It's only a matter of time he finds out. 

I feel like I'm gambling.

a/n: eyy, a new chapter. sorry for making you guys wait for so long. i haven't had much time nor motivation to write, but today i just decided to get myself together and write a new chapter. i actually like this chapter, even if there isn't that much action in it. the purpose of this chapter was to show how hitoshi feels about everything.

btw, my phone isn't giving me any notifications from wattpad, for whatever reason, so if i don't reply to comments or messages or things like that in a while, it's because of that. sometimes i go for days without even remembering that wattpad exists (that's part of the reason i haven't updated this story in a while) and when i check my notifs there is a shit ton of them. so that kinda sucks :))