Frozen

Chapter 21)

Brianna

By the time Barney showed up at my apartment, I was already in my pajamas, sitting on the couch, waiting. When I had gotten his text that we needed to talk, I knew we couldn't prolong the inevitable and went ahead and invited him over.

He walked in and the first thing he did was place the spare key that I had given him on the counter.

Then he came and sat down next to me on the couch, a couple feet away from me.

Throughout this, I didn't move my position of sitting cross legged with my back to the arm rest, hands folded in my lap staring at a spot in the middle of the couch.

When he sat down, I didn't look up at him. Except this time, he didn't do what he usually did and tip my chin up so I would catch his eyes. He avoided my gaze right back.

"Where's Bentley?" he asked in a distant, polite voice.

"Sleeping," I answered, my tone matching his to a tee.

Barney nodded.

"Brianna, I just want to start by saying-"

"Don't do that," I said, still not looking at him. "Don't give me fluff, I don't have the desire nor the patience for it."

He was silent for a few seconds then I heard him take in a deep breath.

"Right," he muttered. "I've been doing a lot of thinking, lately, and I need to be fair to you, and I need to be fair to Bentley."

He paused as if waiting for me to object and, when I didn't, he continued.

"I want to keep doing this. I really do, but you have to understand-"

"This?" I asked, surprised my couch didn't have a giant ass hole in it where my glare had not left.

"Yeah, this. Us," he said.

My eyebrows furrowed because that wasn't what I was expecting but I stayed silent to let him continue.

"You have to understand," he went on, "that we'll never be...normal."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean I can never give you full commitment. I mean, boyfriend is pushing it for me, I don't plan to ever get married or have kids, and that's not going to change. But I do still want to be with you."

He stopped talking and, this time, when I was sure he was done, I took a deep breath, preparing for what I needed to say.

"I love you," I said, not giving him time to flinch before I continued, "and I can't stay with you, knowing you don't love me. I can't be around you, day after day, loving all that is you and all the time thinking about how much better it would be if you loved me back. I refuse to subject myself to that kind of pain, and I also have a brother to think about. Bentley loves you, too, and I will do everything in my power to keep him from getting hurt by anyone and anything, and that includes you. So unless you can look at me right now, explain to me why you've been so distant lately, and tell me that you love me, we're over," I looked up and met his eyes for the first time and almost took my words back at the complete blankness of them, but I forced myself to finish, "completely."

We held each other's gazes for several seconds.

He didn't say anything.

"Barney," I muttered, tears coming into my eyes for the first time that night.

Damn it to hell, but I didn't want us to be over.

He still stayed silent.

"Tell me you love me," I pleaded, one tear spilling down over my cheek then my jaw, and finally falling down onto my shirt. Barney traced its path with his eyes then he looked back up at me.