Don't Go

16

Zayn moves out. They don't really talk about it, much. The night he fell asleep with Liam was his last one in the apartment. He spends a week at Louis', which turns into a month, which turns into a year, when Louis moves into Harry's apartment and Zayn takes over his old room.

He hates living with Eleanor. She's messy and she watches annoying reality tv shows. There's never any coffee left for him in the morning, and she has a habit of putting empty milk cartons back in the fridge, which makes him miss breakfast a lot.

It's not like he doesn't see Liam. With Harry and Louis getting engaged, he spends a lot of time with Harry who, in turn, spends a lot of time with Liam. They talk, sometimes, but it's never about important stuff. He never asks about Liam's work, or when he's heading out next, and Liam never offers information on it.

It hurts. He can admit that. Every time he sees him it hurts, because he knows if things had just been a little different, if he could have just dealt with it, he'd fall asleep in Liam's arms and he'd wake up to the sound of Liam showering.

He knows that there are millions of families where one member is in the military. They make it work. It's possible to make it work. He just knows that he can't do it. He's too young to settle into that kind of commitment, and he just can't hand his whole life over to Liam, which is what he'd end up doing if he'd stayed around.

He dates a bit. Not a lot, and never for long. No one holds his attention. No one smells just right, or feels like Liam, and so they're not what he wants. He keeps waiting for it to go away, though. Keeps waiting for that ball in his stomach that came back full force to loosen, for him to move on. It just doesn't happen.

Harry and Louis get married during one of the months Liam's home. He looks different. His shoulders are wider, like he's been working out more, and he walks with a limp. His eyes are tired, but no one comments on that, either.

Zayn gets his teaching degree and gets a job working at a public school where he makes more than enough to have an apartment of his own. Liam gives him Jessie and Zayn stops buying shampoo that smells like oranges.