Girls Who Play Guitars

•you are a punk angel•

Cigarette smoke and a musty, sweaty smell, fried food smell covered the enthusiastic crowd as Ellie stood at the door of the green room. Over in the corner, Gav from Glue played a guitar, the smooth notes caught amongst the haze.

Lifting her chin, Ellie searched for Daniel hoping to catch his eye and somehow find a moment to talk to him in private; find a way to turn the house lights on and reveal the glaringly obvious truth that Ellie could not concentrate in her band and him at the same time — that she couldn't comprehend how he could think of her as being brilliant when he was beyond brilliance. Way beyond it into whole other galaxy of brilliance.

Except it would be hard to talk to him about it after what he'd done during Glue's gig - smiling over at Ellie whenever he could. Telling his adoring fans to keep an eye on Slider; that they were on their way up and their CD was on repeat in his Discman. As he strode off stage at the end of the set, all amped-up and filled with music, idolised and adored, he headed her way. He'd fixed his eyes on Ellie's amidst the roars of the crowd and the quickly closing-in throng of journos and crew. Then he'd brushed past, touching her arm lightly with his own, causing her to break out in goosebumps.

When she couldn't spot Daniel among the relaxed crowd, she grabbed a beer from the bar and zig-zagged her way across the room dodging crushed beer cans and ciggie butts and rubbish to where Gav, Glue's guitarist, perched on a tall bar stool in the smoke-filled haze of the crowded green room  playing a sexy-looking Ralph Bown that had a gentle but full, authoritative sound.

A crowd of people gathered around him, lounging on the floor, leaning against the walls, nodding in time to the beat. Ellie watched as he expertly cast his fingers over the strings, playing a sweet, sad, melancholic tone. A mop head of brown hair. Gentle, humble, enormous eyes behind Buddy Holly sunglasses. Corduroy pants. Homely knitted striped jumper. Desert boots. No wonder Glue was so amazing. Along with a cocky lead singer who didn't shirk from his front man's responsibilities, they had this insanely talented creative guy who played the Bown like it was part of him - holding it close to his body as if it was just another limb, another extension of himself.

Ellie turned from Gav to seek out her sister Coral who Ellie knew had no interest in music. There had been enough music in her life after their parents dragged them around all those folk festivals when they were young, forcing them to go on stage and play the tambourine or the triangle to crowds of stoned, long-haired hippies.

She found Coral sprawled on a brown floral couch with Meg and James, Glue's not-so-angelic bass player. Off to the side, Glue's drummer, Will, relaxed in another dirty-looking lounge chair with his eyes closed, head thrown back, mouth wide open—either fast asleep or passed out, Ellie couldn't be sure. Kim perched on a stool next to Ash, who sat back on a sticky looking leather lounge chair with his legs spread wide.

As she approached, Ellie took the chance to look Ash over. It was strange to see him in the flesh after he'd been a fuzz of white noise in her head for so many years. There was something about him that made her tired. The sharp crease down the front of his pressed pants bothered her. And the way he gelled his hair so it stayed curled around his ears looked awkward and forced. She took another slug of beer wondering if his ordinariness was because she'd built him up into being something so remarkable for so long. She also wondered if he seemed unremarkable to her because next to Daniel Armstrong, even a Calvin Klein model would look like Alice Cooper after a night on the turps.

Ellie shifted her eyes to James, who stared at her through his dark fringe with stoned eyes and a huge, puppy-dog grin.

"You are a punk angel," he crooned, breaking her thoughts.

Ellie didn't know what James was on, but it was definitely more than beer and mull. Meg didn't mind. She was all over him, cuddled on his knees, arms wrapped around his shoulders, face snuggled into his neck. Ellie saw his long fingers twist under her sleeve to caress her bare skin. It was such an intimate thing to see, and a twinge of neediness overcame her.