Girls Who Play Guitars

•i fell in love with a moment•

When Ash reached out to Ellie, she stepped back from his touch. "I was an idiot," he said. "I ...all I cared about was the next ride—"

Ellie's eyes went wide. "You fuckin' what?"

"The waves, Ellie, the waves."

"Oh. Right."

"I ... I saw you on that beach ... and then at the party ... in the firelight." Ash looked down at her with eyes that reminded her of the deep, deep ocean and the longing, pulse of the waves that filled the Kombi van where she'd slept in his arms, safe and warm. "I thought you were the most incredible person I'd ever seen. I'd been on the road for months, driving around Australia, chasing the ride, the surf, and when I saw you, I felt settled. I knew I had to stop for a while and be with you."

A weariness washed over Ellie but when she closed her eyes and was back in Ash's van, enclosed in a cosy cocoon where no one could find her. They planned to live out of his van and park up at beaches. Ash would surf while she grew her hair long and played her guitar into the wind and the waves. It was what she had wanted back then. She'd dreamed of it. She dreamed of that freedom to be with someone she loved, making music. Living the dream.

"I-I never meant to hurt you," Ash muttered. "Or ... promise you anything. I ... I think I fell in love with the moment. With the whole vibe we had going on. And I think you did too. And then ... I guess, the surf called me back."

"Sure, blame it on the surf," Ellie scoffed, unsure whether she wanted to cry or hit out at him. "You know, I have passions too. We all do. But I would never do what you did. Never. You hurt people, Ash. You really hurt them."

"I understand."

"Why the hell would you even have the nerve to show your face here?"

Ash lifted his eyes to the starry sky before he looked down at Ellie. "I see you everywhere. You're in the papers and on TV. Everywhere. I think ... I wanted to make sure you were okay. I wanted to ... apologise."

"So, apologise."

Ash nodded. "I'm sorry."

"And what about all the other people you did the same to? Are you going to find them, and apologise to them too? Or is it just that my face popping up everywhere that's a constant reminder of what a shithead you really are?" When Ash stayed quiet, Ellie realised maybe he hadn't quite thought through his explanation enough. She folded her arms and tipped her chin towards the van. "Anyway. I'm pretty sure I can hear the surf calling again."

Ash nodded again. "I don't really surf much anymore."

Ellie waited for him to make a move, but he didn't. He shuffled his feet, and glanced at the car next to his van again.

"Can I ..."

"What?"

"Can I give you a hug? I want to ... I want to make sure you have a better memory of me."

A shiver ran through Ellie and she wasn't sure if it was the outside air or because she wasn't sure about him.

But his gaze remained on hers, waiting for her to respond.

He was so opposite to Daniel and his Energizer Bunny aura.

Daniel.

Daniel seemed so far away. A different life. Sound checks and hotels. Passionate kisses in hotel lifts. Whispered confessions in shady corners from someone Ellie was now afraid was way too much of everything for her.

What harm could it do to give Ash a hug?

She could round things out with a nice gesture then Ask could leave and she'd never have to think about him again and she could focus on the band and the tour — the future.