Twice in a Lifetime \\ KELLIC

16

I slept on the couch last night. Nowhere else felt right. I didn't want to go anywhere upstairs, so I didn't. I felt sick, and not in the cold and flu sort of way, but in the way where my heart simply wouldn't settle.

'Conflicted', was just about the only word I could come up with to describe what was going on in my head. I was conflicted over how I should be taking the news that Ashton saw Vic and I kiss. Part of me felt awful that he had to see it, but another part of me felt relieved that he knew, then another part felt at peace knowing he forgave me, and a whole other part, the conflicting part, didn't want to feel the relief or the peace because I didn't deserve it.

It was strange knowing that Ashton spoke about me before he died. I would never really know what he said and I didn't think I wanted to know. Hearing this one bit of information hurt enough. It was better being blissfully ignorant at this point. I knew in the long run that ignoring this wouldn't help, but that's what I was doing. I was going to avoid anything about that night.

This morning I woke up kind of late. Vic wasn't here like he usually would be. Of course he wasn't. I did yell at him and tell him to leave after all, and I guess I meant it. I was pissed that he'd keep this from me, but I guess I understood why...sort of.

I got up and made myself go upstairs to have a shower. I was running out of food so I had to go out some time today. Maybe I'd take Flash for a walk too. For once the thought of sleeping my troubles away didn't seem like a good option.

"Flash!" I called out the front door once I was ready to go.

I had been so focused on my own self misery last night that I forgot to feed the poor dog.

"Flash!" I called out again.

I didn't hear any barking or the familiar sound of his paws scratching along the floorboards of the house or scuffling along in the dirt and grass. I went further outside and did a circle of the house. I still couldn't find him.

"Flash! Come here boy!" I shouted.

I was beginning to get worried. He always came when I called him. I hadn't owned the dog for that long, but I still felt a sense of panic come over me at the thought of him being lost.

I went back inside and searched all the rooms to see if he was sleeping somewhere. He wasn't. Damn it, I had no idea where he could have gotten to. I went back outside and once again searched around the house. I even wandered into the woods and called out his name. I couldn't find him anywhere.

"Flash!" I shouted back at the house.

Nothing. I didn't hear a damn thing back. Suddenly I became so desperate to find the dog. He obviously wasn't anywhere near home. Maybe he wandered off into town. I went off in the direction of the woods and took the shortcut path, thinking that maybe he would walk along there too. I couldn't see any sign of him though.

I got into town and walked around all the streets, hoping beyond hope that I'd just find him. My heart was pounding hard in my chest as each hour went on. I didn't think I would care this much about a dog.

I searched for him all day. I went back home, didn't find him. I got in my car and drove further around the town. I couldn't find him. By the time it was the afternoon I was officially a mess and almost in tears. I had to find him. I just had to.

There was one place I was avoiding, but I was desperate, so I ended up going to the docks. After all, Flash had been there before. Maybe he came back. I walked along, past all the boats.