The Unexpected (Jacksgap FanFic)

Vidcon - Part 3

Jessie's POV

When memories flow back it's not a gentle stream, it's more like getting hit by a truck. The impact is unbearable and it feels like your head will explode right there and then. Everyone's crowds round making sure you're okay but they don't know how it feels, they don't know how it feels to be happy for so long and to live a lie to find out you're an idiot. I'm, not, okay. 

I was glad that the fans took my mind off things, I ignored Jack the whole time and spoke to the people who really cared. They'd come up to me and I'd sign they're ticket, take a selfie and give them a hug. This was repeated several hundred times before I got to have a break. I love me fans, they take me to a place I want to stay forever and help me to be a better person. Not one of them mentioned Jack or Finn, which I'm glad of and none of them mentioned anything to do with my breakdown earlier. Maybe they didn't know. I hope they don't know. 

As soon as the signings are over I walk out, leaving everyone behind me and not caring that we're meeting Kat and Gavin outside. I keep moving, keeping everything inside and get a taxi back to the hotel. Maybe I'm just tired, I need a break from everything. 

That's what you're hoping, the annoying voice in my head reminds me. 

My brain doesn't even process what's going on as I pass the man a twenty dollar bill and get out of the taxi. I walk straight past everyone at the door and into the lift at the other side of reception and I break down. The mirrors in the lift reflect my appearance, a slight crack in the corner of the small claustrophobic box which reflects me perfectly. Cracked and broken. The tears stream down my face, hoping the doors will open soon or never at all but the doors open on the seventh floor and I rush to my room. I take the room key out of my back pocket and slide it into the door and back out before running to the bed and pushing my head into the pillows. 

"You're an idiot," I tell myself, hitting the pillow and sitting up, wiping the tears from my eyes. "So naive." 

I keep telling myself that, over and over, as I stare at the blank walls of the hotel room. The only sound was the echoing of my cries and I don't know if all of this is real. The pain, the weight of my shoulders and the pressure inside my head all gaining up on time and crushing me like a bulldozer. I have to pull myself together before they all come back to the room to get ready for the stages. I have to calm down. 

I don't know whether or not to be mad at Kat or my mother or simply just myself for being such a fool. 

I just can't blame Jack. 

***

By the time Kat, Victoria and Selena came back to the room I had calmed myself down, cleaned the room, done my hair, got changed and re-done my makeup... I have to keep myself occupied when I'm having a mental breakdown. 

"Jess, is everything alright?" Victoria asks, sitting down on the bed next to me and wrapping her arms around me. 

"I'm okay," I breathe out, making sure to keep myself together. "Just needed out of there."

"Don't blame you," Kat laughs and I try to laugh along but I just cause awkward tension. "Lunch wasn't amazing."

"Maybe not for you, but for me it was amazing." Selena chimes in, her smile glistening to everyone. 

"Only because you got a boyfriend!" Kat retaliates, I feel interested in the conversation but pushed out of it. I turn to Victoria and rest my head on her shoulder. 

I hum a little, seeing the conversation die, "boyfriend?"

"Finn..." Kat sings, going away from Selena before she gets a punch in the arm.