Dead Girl Walking

Chapter 3: Lilies

After managing to drag myself out of the basement and away from the moment that meant the world to me and nothing to Kurt, I spent the next three hours laying on my bedroom floor listening to Sarah McLachlan on repeat 

With each song I dug myself deeper and deeper into a pit of sadness filled to the brim with unrequited love. 

How could Kurt be so clueless? Literally, I was there ready and willing under him and he STILL wouldn't kiss me. Maybe I had some muffin in my teeth? Maybe he was butt hurt because he hadn't won Mario Kart? 

Or maybe the worst was true; Maybe he just didn't feel the same way. Maybe he saw all the flaws and imperfections I saw within myself? He saw the fraud in me. The fraud I tried to hide from the world with perfect grades and sarcastic quips. 

Or maybe even my mask wasn't enough to hide the ugliness that defined me.

Similar thoughts swam like fish through jello in my head. 

The sad songs echoed in my ears until they were interrupted by Lizzo's "Truth Hurts", my ring tone for Lucy. My phone was about five feet to my left, but with my perpetual desire to mope for the rest of eternity, that distance seemed like miles.

 Eventually, Lizzo stopped and McLachlan's crooning voice returned. Lucy would have to wait. Clearly, I had a very busy schedule. Moaning in self-pity and being overall entirely over dramatic took a lot out of me.           

However, that peace lasted only a measly thirty seconds until the infuriatingly hyped song returned. Finally, with immense effort, I opened my eyes and rolled over to my phone, only to discover I had rolled the wrong way.          

"WHY IS LIFE SO HARD!" I screamed as I rolled the other way eventually reaching my phone. Wiping the salty tears off my face, I answered Lucy's facetime call.

Lucy's smiling face was up-close and personal on the camera. Her flaming red, curly hair surrounded her face like a halo from hell, completely betraying her sweet nature.

"Hey girlie, what's up--Oh honey! What's wrong? Is that Sarah McLachlan in the background? Why do you always do this! You know it only ruins your day!" Lucy scolded, her bright smile transforming into concern.

I sniffled in response as I climbed lazily up from the floor onto my bed, using a much greater deal of effort than should have been required. "Kurt and I almost kissed," I mumbled, diving deeper under my comforter.

"WHAT?!" I dropped the phone in response to her loud shriek, I think she busted a speaker in the phone.

After a few seconds of shock on her face that I initially presumed to be a frozen screen, she sputtered into action once more. 

"You mean Mr. Perfect almost laid a smooch on you! Geez, and to think I called you to let you know about Brad and me? This is so much more intriguing." Lucy's shrill tone nearly shattered my eardrums.

"Yeah, except we didn't and we never will." I was either being dramatic or a realist, but as a self-proclaimed pessimist, I was leaning towards the latter.

"Come on Chloe, don't be a downer! You need to look on the bright side! Don't think that you and Kurt didn't kiss think that you and Kurt almost DID."

Lucy was a perpetual optimist, she even found the bright side when her house flooded last spring. She claimed it made her more humble spending two weeks in a motel calling it a "cleansing experience for her soul".

 Also, enthusing that her dad had been looking for a reason to redo the floors and now the insurance would cover it.

"I don't know Lu. Maybe this is a pipe dream that should be flushed." I was on the verge of tears again.