Vulnerable

Sixteen- Rye

The feeling of self-loathing became too much. I cannot out myself to the entire school. What would everyone think, my father had clearly shown that it just was not right to be the way that I am. It is not right to love another boy, oh why did he have to come into my life and take it so completely off the rails with those cliched ocean-blue eyes.

I run, as soon as I managed to get through the throngs of people, away from their judgment. I needed space, I desperately needed to be alone, I ran to the huge oak tree next to the running track. I crumpled down by the base of it and held my head in my hands. I wept, tears streamed down my face and small muffled sobs escaped my mouth. I had never felt more like a complete letdown than I did at that moment.

How could I love him? I was the typical 'jock' whilst he was the not-so-typical 'nerd'. He was broken just as I was, he made me feel both whole and more broken than ever. I knew there were so many things I would have to be prepared to give up if I truly wanted him. I would have my Mother, my friends, and my brothers. I would have him. But I could lose everything else. My security, my future in football, my own Father for heaven's sake! I don't know if I can risk everything.

I know he needs me, I need him too. Maybe we can just keep it a secret for now. ARGH, what is happening to me? A few moments ago I was prepared to hold his hand in mine and walk proudly through the school gates. Now? I had just run away from everything, retreated and put myself in a very difficult position. People will have seen me leave my friends, people will also have seen Andy arrive with me in my car. People will ask questions that I am not prepared to answer.

Harvey will know about what happened, I hope he will not find out about Andy, but a pit in my stomach tells me that he already knows. God help me if he realized I was not playing his straught game anymore. Honestly, God help Andy too. I was afraid of him, what he may do to the adorable little blond I loved so much.

I take out my phone and turn on the camera, my eyes were not too red or swollen. Looks like I could pass it off with mild hayfever. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and removed the tear streaks from my face, there, now I look half-presentable. I knew I had to face the questions now, but I would brush it off. People know that Andy's family and mine used to be very close. That was the reason he was in my car, and why we would be hanging around. Only because I had promised my mother I would look out for him. But as soon as the situation was dealt with, we wouldn't be hanging around anymore. In school, that is. I hoped he would understand why I had to keep 'us' a secret. I wanted him, but I was not ready for the whole world knowing about my sexual preferences.

I hear a slight ring and feel a little vibration in my back pocket. It must be Mikey or Jack, seeing if I was okay. I whipped my phone out and answered, not bothering to check the caller ID. I mean, who else would it be?

"Hey boys, I am on my way back up to school, don't worry. I'll be with you in five minutes. I just needed to clear my head" I answer as I accepted the call.

"Well, whyever would you need to clear your head Rye? surely you have your head straight? I mean, why would be perplexed over anything, you are not having a family drama, are you?" A sly and sneering voice answered. Shit. Harvey. He. Knew.

"Oh, hey man. Umm well... it's just some girl drama actually" I tried to lie to him, it was sort of relationship drama. Definitely not with a girl though. I felt very worried, Harvey never calls me directly, usually, he gets Sonny to pass in messages. So why else would he be calling me, argh, I really, really didn't want him to find out.

"So, Ryan, I have your little blond pet with me. I'm sure he doesn't know about me. He does appear a little scared though. I am in the old estate, you know where to find me, you have five minutes to get here" He hung up. He knows. Immediately I began to run, how did he know.

The old estate was abandoned, there was an old shop here that Harvey used frequently when he met us after school. It was a good ten minutes run from the track, but I had to make it there in five. I already knew he was going to do something horrific, but if I was late it would just be 100x worse.

I arrive at the old shop with no seconds to spare, out of breath and panting heavily I look up and see Andy. He was held very tightly by Harvey, Harvey was wearing a cruel, sadistic grin as he saw a flash of anger pass over my face. He knew it had affected me, and now was going to exploit that.

I managed to get some of my breath back, I was going to have to stay strong for this fight. Honestly, I didn't know if either Andy or I could manage to take another beating. We had both only just healed from the run-in with his father. So we were both very tender and sore. As soon as I felt I had enough oxygen to recover slightly, I picked myself up and prepared to charge at Harvey. I wanted to wipe that sadistic grin right off his face by rubbing it into the ground.

Just as I began to run at him, two powerful arms grabbed mine and pinned them behind me. I received a sharp kick to the backs of my knees and felt myself forced to kneel on the ground. Restrained, I tried to struggle free as I looked back at the face of my restrainer. Sonny, I could have guessed. He wore a sad, tired and guilty expression as he stopped me from escaping.

I turn my face back to Harvey and barely register his threats, I just see red as he begins to attack Andy, to punish me. This is all my fault, I struggle to break free and get to him, as I watch the carnage unfold I feel Sonny's hands shake and loosen in grip, he whispers in my ear.

"If we are going against him, it needs to be all of us and it needs to be now" I nod my head at him. I felt his grip almost vanish and we prepared to spring into action when a blur of rage runs past us. It looked like he was going to tackle Harvey...

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