feel

7

DITCHING SCHOOL was so common for Carter she wondered if it was a skill she could put on her resume alongside lying, trespassing, a smoking addiction, and chronic attachment issues.

But this time, she found no enjoyment in it. The trip proved to be long and stressful, with thoughts of self-doubt and betrayal laying heavily in Carter's mind.

It disturbed her greatly that the best father figure she'd ever had had hidden an entire daughter from her.

"What did I tell you about losing yourself? You'll only ever get hurt."

Carter shook off the thought and slammed her hand down on her dashboard. She felt utterly betrayed and didn't understand how to deal with it.

She could remember smiling up at Hopper four years ago as he ruffled her hair.

"You'll be safe now, kid," she whispered the first words he'd ever said to her out loud.

"I've got you, kid. I got in touch with your brother. You're gonna stay with me for a little while, okay?"

She felt safe for the very first time in her fourteen years of life. He smiled a lopsided smile at her and opened the door to his car for her.

"You can trust me. I promise."

Carter shook herself out of the memory as she sped down the roads leading towards the Hawkins woods and away from main street.

"No secrets?"

"No secrets, kid. I pinky promise."

But he'd kept a secret. A living, breathing secret she could have met long ago. She could have called her sister long ago. She could have helped raise, and nurture, and feed, and maybe - maybe her life could have been different.

She wasn't angry. Her limbs were too tired of the world pushing against her as she struggled to keep it still. Her eyes were too heavy from glaring down the hurt, glaring down the cracks in her very existence. Her hands were numb from trying to fix them. Her body was too aching in raw, freezing hurt to be filled with anger.

"Why, Hopper?" Carter whispered to herself, "why is she so special even I couldn't know?"

And then the cabin loomed in the distance and the Impala screeched to a stop.

Carter sat in her car for a moment, taking in the simple pleasure of listening to the engine purr beneath her as she produced a cigarette from her pocket and lit it. She took deep, scorching breaths of black and heavy smoke for several minutes before she willed herself to turn off the engine and walk through the trees to the cabin.

Registering what she was about to do was not something Carter could do as she knocked the knock Hopper had described in detail on the wooden door. As soon as her fist left the wood after the last knock it swung open, seemingly by itself.

"Uh - hello?" Carter called into the seemingly empty cabin.

There was no response.

Carter walked into the cabin and shut the door behind her, taking a drag on her cigarette before turning to put it out on the counter.

Two eyes peered at her from over the table.

"Jesus fucking Christ, kid. Whatcha hiding over there for?" Carter yelled, startled so badly she almost dropped the cigarette from between her fingers.

The eyes did not move from over the top of the counter.

Carter sighed, grinded the butt of her cigarette into the table and ran a hand through her hair.