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Sometimes I find myself thinking and complaining that I don't have true friends. That they don't ever notice how I'm falling apart from inside.
But how am I any better than them? I know how it feels to be neglected. I know how it feels to be misunderstood. And yet I don't try to be a good friend to them.
I don't make them laugh like I used to, like I should. I don't ask them what's wrong when they're clearly not looking alright. I don't even try to laugh when they try their best to lighten me up.
I've become selfish. Just because I don't laugh with my heart anymore, I don't even attempt to make anyone else laugh. Just because no one ever tells me that they appreciate me, I don't ever compliment them.
Who is this girl? How did I manage to become so cold-hearted?
This isn't me. I was never this selfish.
I remember making others laugh and then coming back home only to cry my eyeballs out to sleep. It used to hurt, but I wasn't selfish.
But then this numbness took over. And I just left it all.
I've let it go. All my emotions. All my obligations.
I'm not holding on to it anymore. Like nothing even matters. But deep down..... it does?
"It's like I'm drowning with rocks tied to my feat"
