Did You Find Her?

4: A Possibility

That evening the four of us sat around my new oak table eating, as Ruby had requested, lobster. I was on my third beer by the time Jessica had brought out dessert.
I always got drunk on Ruby's birthdays to keep myself happy. I was quite capable of pretending to be sober after quite a lot of drink, but I was trying to limit myself tonight. I often forgot quite a lot when I got drunk, I didn't want to forget this night.
I had dressed Ruby in her favourite green dress with a white cardigan, she looked so pretty this evening as she tucked into her food. Often I would just lose myself in the moment and just gaze at her, far too thankful that she had been spared. She was my best friend, nobody else came close to her.
While Ruby played with her new toys after dinner I started with the washing up and Morgan began to help.
"How're you?" He asked me sympathetically.
"I'm alright." I told him, "five years goes fast.."
"Yeah... at least you've got Ruby to keep you on your toes." Said Morgan, patting my back as we looked over the counter at Ruby and Jessica playing on the rug and reopening the photograph album that I hadn't tidied away.
"Don't know where I'd be without her." I sighed, giving a glance at another unopened beer bottle but resisting the temptation of another drink, I decided to join Jessica and Ruby on the rug by the warm fire.
"There're some gorgeous photos in here, Robbie." Informed Jessica, petting my shoulder briefly, knowing that today was a hard day.
I continued to lie on my back, not wishing to see the pictures of me and Emma anymore. I wanted to move on from her now- I had cried enough over these last five years. Maybe I should try to find myself a girlfriend? But then again... nobody will ever be like Emma. I loved her far too much. And in my heart I feel like she must still be out there.. and I can't ever let that feeling go.
"Awk Robbie have a look at this picture.." encouraged Jessica, pointing at one of them.
"Nope, I'll only start crying." I laughed, looking up at the ceiling and stroking Ruby's back while she continued to moon over photographs of me and her missing mother.
"Who do I look more like? Mum or dad?" Questioned Ruby, looking at a photograph of her mum and then looking over to me.
"Well you've got your dad's dark hair and green eyes, but your face looks like your mum's- you've got her smile." Said Jessica, looking closely at my daughter while I began to stand up and walked up the stairs into the bathroom.
I ran the cold water in the sink and splashed my tense face in aid of reducing the redness from my eyes.
I always found it difficult on Ruby's birthdays, so I reached into the cupboard and retrieved my box of diazepam. Although I'm not certain that this prescription is the most adequate for me, it was the only thing I could get without having a doctors appointment. It's not a strong anti-depressant, I believe it's more for anxiety, but it calms down my emotions which is what I needed right now.
While I swallowed two of the capsules the door opened and Ruby entered, wrapping her arms around my waist.
"Hey..." I began, putting down my glass of water and petting her hair, "You okay?"
"Jessica said you needed a hug." She replied, looking up at me.
I closed my eyes and knelt down on the floor to be at her level and hugged her again.
"You make me so proud every day, you know that?" I said, biting my lip and smiling at her before embracing again, "I love you more than I loved your mother."
"Really?" Asked Ruby.
"Absolutely." I promised, "now let's go downstairs and have some more of that birthday cake."

The evening ended relatively early, I had another glass of wine with Jessica and Morgan before I put Ruby to bed just before 9 o'clock.
"I'll see you tomorrow, alright precious?" I whispered into my daughters ear as I tucked her into her own bed.
"Alright." She replied, reaching over to my head as I kissed her forehead.
"You're the best." I told her before letting go of her hand and walking towards the door, "goodnight, Ruby."
"Night, dad." She replied.

I walked back downstairs to Jessica and Morgan who were just about to leave.
"Give us a hug big man." Said Jessica, opening her arms. I embraced her, closing my eyes in exhaustion.
"Thank you.. you're just amazing, Jess." I told her, splitting apart the hug and patting Morgan's shoulder as they opened the front door.
"Beautiful house, mate. Well done." He said to me,
"Thanks, it'll do for the next ten years or so." I laughed, "Thanks for coming, guys. Safe home."

Since there wasn't really anything else for me to do, I decided to go to bed early.
It felt quite weird sleeping in a bed alone, it was what my nightmares had been made of; waking up in the middle of the night without Ruby beside me.
To prove to myself that she was safe, I tip-toed over to her room and opened the door slightly to see her fast asleep, looking so peaceful in her bed.
I smiled and closed the door before returning to my own bedroom, closing my eyes and sleeping.

I woke up to the earsplitting sound of my phone ringing. I answered it without checking who it was.
"Hello?" I moaned, remaining in bed and peering through the curtains to see that it was still dark.
"Hey Rob, it's Stephen- you've gotta come down to the station as quick as possible." Began the panicked sounding voice.
"W-what time is it?" I muttered,
"It's just after three am. Can you be here in ten minutes?"
"Stephen, I've had a couple drinks- what's happening?" I asked, trying to blink myself awake.
"Rob.. I think we might have found Emma."
Everything seemed to stop. My heart skipped a beat and I almost chocked on my breath.
"W-wh- I- are you-" my mouth couldn't seem to form words in the shock.
"I'll be at your house in ten minutes. Okay?" Said Stephen, maintaining his calm yet urgent voice.
"W-we've moved house- uh.." I looked around helplessly to see if I could find the address.
"I know, I've got you on GPS, mate. Don't worry." He replied.
"Okay... thanks... d-do you know if-"
"I don't know anything, mate. I've just been given a location. I'll talk to you in the car."
"Okay..." I breathed as he hung up.
I might see her today... she might be alive...