Rubatosis.

Tres.

Sonder - the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own.

- 3 -

"Alaia, have checked your group members?"
"Yes. I have. Ellie is going to Philippines. Umar, Dania and Sara are included in my group."
Alaia answered her mom's question while keeping the used dinner plates in the dish washer. As expected the country she was given a few weeks back was Pakistan. She didn't want to go through it again. The humiliation, the pain. Sometimes things are hard to bear.
She had no idea who Umar, Dania and Sara were. She always kept to herself in university. Ellie was the one who helped her in finding her group mates.

"Mama?"

"Hm."

"Why is all this happening again? I don't want to go back in those abyss of darkness. What if I never come back again? What if all that happens again? I can't keep these thoughts out of my mind. No matter how much I try, they all come back flying.", Alaia whispered.

"Alaia, you know that you're strong, right? You want to help others. Right?
میں نے تو تمہیں ایسا نہیں سکھایا تھا؟"

"But mama, I'm scared!", Alaia cried. "No Alaia, you're not. You have to fight your demons. I can't let you live like this for the rest of your life. I'll be there for you like always but I won't allow you to step away."
Alaia looked at her mom and slowly nodded. "I'll try."
"No, you won't try. You'll have to do it."
"Uhm. I think I should sleep now. We just have a week left. I'll have to buy a few things before we leave."
"Sure. We can go shop for your things tomorrow. You know that I'll never leave you alone." Asma knew that Alaia had changed the topic once again. Like she has been doing since that day.

"Yes. I know. Good Night!". Alaia kissed her mother's forehead and went to her room. Asma saw her daughter closing the door and silently prayed for happiness to enter their lives. With a sigh she turned off the extra lights and left the hall.

---------------

Alaia stood in front of the mirror staring at her reflection. Her grey eyes looked dull. No happiness. No smile. Only pain. Her pale skin looked paler. Was it like this always? She slowly pulled off the black jumper she was wearing, leaving herself in her tank top only. She slowly traced the mark under her collar bone. She always hated it. It reminded her of that painful night. The time when she wanted to die. When she wished to disappear from the surface of Earth.

She slowly sobbed clutching her jumper tightly in her hand as if her life depended on it. No no, she won't cry. No more tears for those who don't deserve them. Were these words helpful? Maybe yes. She stopped crying and looked at herself one more time. You have to do it for yourself. You can't let those monster destroy more innocent lives. Her thoughts made her strong at the moment.

With a determined look on her face she went to her wardrobe and pulled out the grey suitcase filling it with it her books, she kept it beside the study table. "I'm going to pack a day before leaving.", she mumbled to herself.
She kept the books only to motivate herself. She went to the bathroom to do her night routine and came back to look for a book to read at night before going to sleep. She was busy in selecting a book for reading tonight when her phone pinged.

She picked her phone and smiled looking at it. It was Ellie as always. Not many people had Alaia's number.

Ellie: "Here you go. No need to thank me. These are the numbers of your group members. Save them and contact them."

Alaia: "Okay. I will."

Ellie: "And yeah. Do it right now. Message them. They're not bad actually. You'll like them. But remember that I'll be you're only best friend."

Alaia: "XD okay okay. I'll keep you updated. I've to go now. Take care."

Ellie: "Yeah. Go and insert your head in your books. Bye."

Lockwood & Co. it is, she thought. Reading about teenagers hunting down ghosts. Hell yeah! She'll go for it.
Turning off the lights and switching on the lamp on her side table she started a new adventure. Reading books made her live a new life each day. It made her forget her problems.

-----------------

She was running away from the shadows following her.
The only sound she could hear was her rapid breathing and the howling of owls.
'Run as much as you want. I'm going to come after you. I'll always haunt you.'
Alaia cried silently. No you'll not, she thought.
She felt a shadow looming behind her and before she could turn someone caught her, stopping her abruptly.

-----------------

Alaia gasped and woke up. She looked around to assess her surroundings and found herself in the safe premises of her room. She wiped the sweat off her forehead, and clutched the book she was reading tightly to her chest. She had slept while reading the book. Again.

"یا آللہ کب یہ خواب میرا پیچھا چھوڑیں گیں۔ کیا میں ہمیشہ ایسے ہی رہوں گی؟"

Breathe Alaia breathe. She closed the book and kept it on the side table. Getting off the bed she went to the kitchen to drink some water. Her mom never turned off all the lights. Asma was well aware of daughter's fears. Alaia silently tip toed to the kitchen. Her mum was a light sleeper, and she didn't want to disturb her at this time. It was already 3:00 A.M.

She filled the glass and stood next to the French window. There was no sign of life on the streets. It has been snowing since yesterday. She looked at sky as if trying to figure something.

○------------○

Not proofread.

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