Death's Daughter (Black Butler)

Chapter Twenty Two: Eric and Alan (TRIGGER)

WARNING! CHAPTER MAY BE TRIGGERING TO CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS! IF YOU SELF HARM / HAVE SELF HARMED / ARE SUICIDAL / HAVE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU SKIP THIS CHAPTER FOR YOUR OWN HEALTH! ONCE AGAIN, MAY BE TRIGGERING! PROCEED WITH CAUTION, THANK YOU!

It was scary how similar it was to the nightmare I had a few months ago. The cloudy grey skies, the people that attended the funeral, everything. Maybe it was a warning that this would happen, I’m not sure. All I was positive of was that I had definitely experienced this before. It was no better the second time. In fact, it was probably even worse, because I couldn’t wake up this time. This wasn’t a dream anymore, it was as real as real could ever be – Eric and Alan were dead and gone.

Remi was the one who told me that they passed away, but she didn’t know what the cause was. After she had told me, she threw herself into my arms, sobbing and wailing. Inside, that’s exactly what I felt like doing too, but my body refused to move. I was frozen in a state of shock. For a few days after, I refused to believe that they were really dead. It had to have been a cruel joke that someone made up just to get a rise out of me. But after a week full of people coming to the apartment and telling me that they were sorry for my loss, that’s when I knew that it was real.

The day after that, I had mustered up another courage to go talk to William about the deaths at hand. He was a bit surprised that I had come to him of all people, but understanding nonetheless. He seemed to be a bit more laid back, not quite as harsh as he typically was. I didn’t blame him, I wasn’t the only one who was suffering because of this – he had lost two coworkers, and, more importantly, two friends. William admitted that even he was shocked to hear that Alan and Eric were dead.

As terrified as I was to learn the answer, I asked him how they had passed away. William explained that there was a fight between Eric and a demon. Alan had thrown himself between the two, Eric’s scythe making contact with him in the process. A Grim Reaper’s only weakness, being injured with a scythe. After knowing that he had killed Alan, Eric couldn’t even stand to be with himself. He asked the demon to kill him with Alan's scythe, and he did. William noted that it was the Phantomhive boy’s butler was the demon, the one I had seen in December. It didn’t seem possible that he was the one responsible for Eric’s death, but still, it did.

It was the day of the funeral. Remi had loaned me an old black dress of hers to wear. Over that, I had slipped on one of Alan’s old blazers. It smelled just like him, which brought a bit of comfort to me. He wasn’t too much bigger than me, but the sleeves of his blazer were still so long that they came down to my fingertips. It was like I was swimming in a pool of black, all of the people surrounding me dressed in the same shade.

Like in my nightmare, William stood to my right, trying to remain emotionless. Through his glasses, I could almost see him forcing tears back. Grell, who clung to his side, was an emotional wreck. Makeup smeared down his pale face, and occasionally he’d let out a loud sob or wail. To my right stood Ronald, who’s tears flowed down his face in a smooth stream. He had his arm around my shoulders, but I didn’t mind. I needed the comfort, and so did he. Just like before, he choked out the same words over and over. “It’s gonna be okay,” I still didn’t know if he was saying that to convince me that it was going to be fine or if he was doing that for himself.

Remi stood at the front of the crowd, her back to Eric and Alan’s graves. She kept her eyes averted to the paper, it was obvious that she’d start crying if she were to look at any of us. Ever few sentences or so, she’d take a quick moment to pull herself back together so she wouldn't break down. Eventually, the shaking in her voice and her blubbering got far too out of hand, and William had to finish her eulogy for her.

A few others eulogized Eric and Alan, but my mind was so far away that I wasn’t able to hear any of them. I was still partially in a state of disbelief, while the other part of me kept trying to tell me to accept the loss and move on with my own life while I still had it. Over all, I didn’t even know what to believe any more. I didn’t know how I would be able to go on without the two of them by my side, encouraging me and supporting me along the way. It was almost like loosing my mom and dad all over again.