"There is no point in using the word 'impossible' to describe something that has clearly happened."
•
Harry came home later that week, bounding in giddy only to see me on the sofa - crying.
The girls were both asleep after a difficult evening since Mum had left early this morning.
Trying to discipline a rowdy and agitated 5 month old and her deaf twin was not an easy task to complete when your eyesight is blurred by tears.
I was breaking down, I knew this wasn't the end of the world and I knew she wasn't going to die but with everything the universe had put against me and Harry I thought maybe it would spare my daughters of suffering.
•
"Babe what's wrong?" He asked softly, a little nervous like he knew I was about to explode at him.
I turned slowly to face him.
"What's wrong?" I laughed hysterically, "what's wrong hmm? What's wrong is that our fucking daughter is deaf Harry, she's profoundly deaf in both ears because YOU.." I grated my teeth as the anger burst through, "...YOU FUCKING SAID SHE WAS FUCKING FINE. I TOOK HER TO THE DOCTORS AND HE SAID THE INFECTION SPREAD TO BOTH EARS AND NOW SHES NEVER GOING TO HEAR AGAIN."
Harry's face physically dropped and I saw the panic rise, "— I thought that she was— fine I thought!!!"
"YES YOU THOUGHT HARRY, YOU FUCKING BASTARD SHE'S NOT GONNA HEAR MY VOICE EVER AGAIN HARRY — I, I cant deal with something else..I" I blubbered into a sob as I heard Lois start crying from the commotion, only Lois, reminding me of the reason Sadie isn't stirring.
Harry pulled me close to his chest, sobs matching mine. I struggled against him and tried to pull away before letting him just hold me there.
"We'll teach her sign language babe, she'll be fine. We'll work through this like we've worked through everything else." His cries making mockery of the positive light he was trying to keep the situation in.
I just kept shaking my head, not wanting to accept the news.
After guiltily wanting to refuse this whole thing, a wash of optimism flooded over me. I had to stay strong right? Otherwise Sadie would learn wrong or my denial of her needing extra help might delay her intellectual growth. I couldn't make a decision for her based on my own selfishness. I can't stunt her of this extra help... I had the choice to make her feel normal. I saw my own Dad die, I went through Hell and back so why should a quick stroll through Purgatory be holding me down? I've come face to face with the fucking devil and challenged him. I can do this, it's second nature;
Fake that everything is okay until one day it is.
"Okay, okay." I choked, wiping my tears away and shaking my head as if it cleared the negativity, "we'll just go with it, we'll just pretend it's okay until it feels okay...right?" I grabbed his hand.
"Okay."
•
A/N
Um I'm just gonna make a quick call to the universe for putting them through this.
🐝
YOU ARE READING
Oh, Anna / l.s
Fanfiction"Can you believe we used to be those people?" I sighed, resting my hands on my stomach and smiling to myself. Harry rested his chin in his hands and giggled at me, "If I had told myself a year ago that I'd be deeply in love with a dweeb like you i'...
