Formula for Destruction | a kimi raikkonen fanfiction |

gun in hand

Malu hadn't slept. She let Kimi sleep and when he was in deep slumber she sat up on the bed and grabbed the gun from under her pillow.

The pain was numbed because of the morphine, but her mind was clear enough.

That asshole had pursued her for too long and might have had an idea of where she was. Malu wasn't going to jeopardize Kimi's life in any occasion.

She preferred waiting for the bad to happen with a gun in hand instead of sleeping it through.

It was deep in the night when Kimi woke and found Malu with the gun pointing in the direction of the balcony doors.

He sighed and leant his head on her good thigh. He kissed her skin and hummed.

"You should be sleeping." He murmured.

She let the gun by her side and let her fingers roam into his blonde locks. "Let me do my job, love."

"You shouldn't worry. I'm here."

"Kimi, if something happens to you because of me, I won't hold it."

"You'll be fine."

She caressed the side of his face. "Believe it, my heart's gonna break."

"You have one?"

"Sleep."

Kimi sighed and pulled back, over her and grabbed her gun. "You have like ten guards around, no one's gonna die tonight."

"You don't know." She combed her fingers through his hair.

"I'm here. Remember? We used to do the same thing."

She chuckled. "Back then you used to have a room and we rarely slept together after sex. It was emotionless. Practical."

"It was terrible. Hell, almost."

"You could have said something."

"And we would have broken it up earlier. No, I couldn't do that. I could never do that."

She looked at him and shook her head. "Give me my gun, please."

"You always run away. It's your thing."

"I don't want to have this conversation now."

"You never do."

"Why can't you just sleep? Let me do my job here. I've done this before and you weren't even there. Don't interfere."

"I know you, Mal." He swallowed hard and exhaled. "You do this for me. You even want me here in your bed to protect me."

"Why is it so bad if I do?"

"Because you deny having feelings."

"Not again. Not now. I'm injured and you're upsetting me." She said sharply, as much as she could.

He stood on the bed on his knees looking down at her, his glance was so heated she thought he'd devour her if he could. He turned and carefully put the gun on the bedside table.

"Admit it." He said.

"Admit what?"

"That you loved me."

"Is this the time, Kimi? To admit some long lost love? Because I can admit other things too. It's easier."

Kimi, Malu thought, was trembling with some suppressed mix of anger and frustration. "Like what?"

"Jealousy!" She almost shouted that, exhausted as she was. "Fucking jealousy. Deep and impossible and dark. You belonged to her and I was left with a hole in my chest and a heart broken in a thousand places. I wanted to give my life to bring time a few seconds before you told me you'll leave, just to tell you I loved you. I wanted her out of the way, everything you had with her, I wanted you to have with me."