Formula for Destruction | a kimi raikkonen fanfiction |

of finding a light

It had been a month.

A very long. Very terrifying month.

They had moved Mal back to their house.  The doctor was running daily tests on her, always being at her side.

The wounds had healed as best as they could and her system was becoming stable. She had moved past life support, but it almost seemed as if she didn't want to wake.

Kimi kept going around in races and Dora and Alyona, even Alessandra, they kept by her side. Kimi was a wreck, but he didn't show it to anyone. He cried himself to sleep every night, took awfully long showers and was slowly isolating himself more and more. He didn't want to start drinking again, Mal would have been so angry if she ever found out. He kept her at the centre of his thoughts, doing things that she'd be proud of him doing instead.

He hated looking at her so still on the medical bed. He wanted to see her eyes. He longed to see her glare at him, longed to hear her voice, longed to hear her speaking on the phone from her office switching from language to language as she worked undercover.

He wanted her by his side. When he returned from the races he went to her, dragged a chair and held her hand. He still hadn't returned her their ring, he wanted her to be awake.

The doctor came up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Sir," he said. "It might take years for her to wake up."

Kimi raised his head from where he had nestled his face in her hand. "Get out, please."

The doctor nodded and left, closing the door behind him.

Kimi could do very little to help her and it scared him.

He pulled her ring from the chain around his neck and looked at it as it remained against his hand.

He sighed heavily and dragged the chain off. He took hold of her hand and looked at her. She was strong. So strong and powerful that her intensity even scared him sometimes, but he loved her more than anything and anyone. She pulled him up, straightened his cracks and fixed him even at times he didn't know he needed it.

He kissed her hand and slid the ring to her finger, where it belonged.

"You said you'll be with me wherever I go, Mal."

His voice was soft and hoarse. And he missed her, he missed sleeping beside her and waking up beside her, and having breakfast with her, and then bickering about the lawlessness and dangerous nature of her job, he missed her fixing up any kind of mess he made around the house glaring at him as she did so.

He missed how she got angry when the bathroom towels weren't all the same colour and when the cars in her garage weren't aligned. He missed everything about her. And it hurt him so deeply.

"If anyone takes off your ring again, I'll kill them myself." He stood and leant up to kiss her forehead. "I love you, Malu."

He stood and left as fast as he could before tears started streaming down his face.

°•°•°•°

Seb's wife, Alyona, had stayed with Malu that weekend. Kimi remembered her before her marriage to Seb, she was stern and didn't talk much except the usual crude remark about what an awful driver Seb was, she sure had changed a lot since then. She was chatty and brooded far less.

She talked a lot when she was around Mal, Kimi didn't know why he allowed her around his wife so much, sometimes he just thought Alyona would bother Mal so much that she'd wake up just to tell her to shut up.

That time around Alyona was pregnant and she was even chattier, last time she was talking to the doctor while he had fallen asleep, probably from her chatting.

But bless them both, Seb and Al had been really close to him, trying to mentally support him as best as they could. Alyona had put Alessandra to broker peace with his ex and had even managed to secure an outing with his kids.

That had helped for a moment, but when he got home he told Mal but she hadn't said anything, she was just as still as ever, Kimi had kissed her forehead and had left.

All hope was leaving him.

He sighed as he turned and pulled off his helmet. The race was as usual. Nothing too special, especially when Mal wasn't there.

Seb rushed into his room, throwing the door open.

"Kimi," he said, breathing fast as if he'd been running the circuit on foot.

Kimi glared at him.

"Alyona called,"

Kimi braced for the worst as he grabbed the desk behind him and nodded at Seb.

"Mal woke up."

°•°•°•°

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