We are going on a road trip to the set of Jeopardy. Dr. Phil, the Geoff's, Sal, and I are all in Sals van. Dr. Phil is driving. Sal is in the passenger seat. Three of the Geoff's are sitting in the back seat and the other the two Geoff's and I are in the trunk with Sals pet platypus. He's an ugly platypus. First of all, he's NOT blue. Second of all, his mouth looks like a flat, ugly croc. He does not look anything like Perry the Platypus. He keeps staring at me and I am getting angry. "Shut your eyes, right now!" The platypus continues to stare at me. I look at his collar for his name tag.
Bruce.
"Bruce, you are being rude." He doesn't even blink.
"Bruce, please stop staring at Ashley." Geoff says. Bruce sighs and closes his eyes to take a nap.
Yeah, go to sleep. Stupid platypus.
I decide that I want to intimidate Sal before we get to the Jeopardy set. I want to show Sal that I'm not messing around. "Hey, Sal," I say making him look at me through his mirror. "You're as stupid as your platypus."
"Bruce is not stupid. He knows how to do many things." Sal says.
"Oh yeah? Like what?"
"He knows how to brush my teeth."
"That's disgusting. Why would you let your platypus brush your teeth?" Bruce growls at me for insulting Sal. "You know you really shouldn't keep your platypus in the trunk of your van, anyway." I cross my arms, pouting.
"Y'all need some therapy." Says Dr. Phil. We pull up to the set of jeopardy and Bruce tries to bite me as I get out of the trunk. I growl at him and grab my Geoff's hand as we all walk into the building. The set of jeopardy looks very different than it does on TV. They must have recently gotten a makeover. Makeovers are what started this whole mess. If I hadn't invited Sal over to my house to ask him to redecorate, I would still have all five of my Geoff's.
"Okay. I have set up three different games for Sal and Ashley to compete in. The first, is a rap battle. You both will be making up your own raps on the spot. As you can see, I have gathered an audience." Dr. Phil points in the direction of a group of people sitting in the chairs, waiting for Sal and I to appear on stage. "I also have three judges, they will decide who wins the rap battle." In the front of the crowd are three men, patiently waiting as well. The one all the way on the right has short, dyed red hair and is laughing at something the person next to him had said. The person next to the red head has bright green hair that appears to be glowing in the dark. The person next to the green haired dude has long, curly brown hair. "Ashley, Sal, are you two ready?" We both nod and head in the direction of the stage. Before we are in sight of the crowd, I grab Sals shirt and whisper something into his ear.
"I am going first because I am the best." We smile as we finally make our way on stage and the crowd bursts into a fit of claps. Dr. Phil, standing in between Sal and I, talks into his microphone. "Hello, thanks for gathering here today. Here is Ashley. She will be rapping first." He hands the microphone over to me and walks off stage.
" Yo yo yo, this is ash on the microphone,
yeah that's right, i said my name is ash
and i'm not trash
cause i gotta lotta cash
from doin the monsterfreakinmash
but that didn't stop me from getting a rash
ayeeeeeee."
The crowd goes wild over my rap which makes me feel so good, but my confidence dies down when Sal takes the microphone out of my hands.
"My name is Sal and i'm very sorry
but ash, my pal, you probably copied that rap from safari
these men, our judges, are very smart
they know my raps are a work of art
WORDDDDDD."
The crowd goes wild once again and Dr. Phil walks on stage. "Okay, judges. Let's hear what you have to say.
"Hi, I'm Jawn and I vote that Sal is the winner."
"Hi, I'm Awsten and I also vote that Sal is the winner."
"Hi, I'm Otto and I vote that Sal is the winner."
What????! My rap was so good! These judges are so mean. We walk off stage and my Geoff walks up and hugs me. "It's okay. You have another chance." Geoff allows me to wipe my mascara on his white t-shirt.
Dr. Phil walks up to us, again. "Next, you will be playing connect four."
"That's not fair. I suck at connect four." I pout. All the Geoff's nod in agreement, knowing how bad I am at connect four.
"This was God's plan. Not mine." Dr. Phil sets up the game and the judges and crowd watch as we play.
___________________________________
10 hours later
I won! I won connect four! Dr. Phil walks on stage. "Okay, judges. Who's the winner?"
"I vote sal." They say in unison. What the freak does that even mean?!?! I literally won. The judges can't choose who wins, I win!
"No! I won!" I yell. The judges shake their heads, no. I look over at all the Geoff's, who look slightly disappointed. Maybe they wanted me to win. Maybe they wanted to come back home with me, but Sal won 2/3 of the games, so he wins the Geoff's. All of them. I lay down on the stage and cry. Next thing ya know, I hear a guitar. I stop crying and look up to see my Geoff walking towards me.
"Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes. Five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dearrrrrr." He's playing the guitar and singing Seasons of Love! My favorite song from the Rent Musical! "What about... LOVEEEEEEE." The entire crowd sings along and when the song is finished, the judges walk on stage and shake hands with my Geoff.
"Wow, you're an amazing guitar player." Awsten, the green haired dude, said.
"Thanks." Geoff said.
"Would you like to be apart of our band? It is called Waterparks and we are going on tour in 5 minutes." Otto asks. Geoff looks shocked and so do the other Geoff's. Everyone knows that Geoff has wanted to be a musician since 2001. He looks over at me, with sad eyes. He's wants to go on tour, but he knows that if he says yes, he will have to leave me.
"Go ahead, Geoff. This is your dream." I say, tearing up. Geoff starts to cry and gives me a big hug.
"I will never forget you, Ash." He gives me a kiss on the cheek and nods towards the guys, agreeing to join the band. I start to cry until the other four Geoff's walk up to me.
"Since Geoff has to go on tour, we want to come back and live with you." Geoff says, all of them smiling.
"R-really?" I say, wiping my tears. They nod and I cry all over again, but this time it's out of happiness. Sal walks up gets very angry.
"RNEIWUEBEBALAIEVW AISYE E SNNE" He starts chanting words that do not sound english. He then, starts to turn yellow and his eyes merge into one. He is turning into....
A MINION!
"AHHHHHHHHH." We all scream and leave the building.
____________________________________
1 week later
The four Geoff's and I have bought a new house because the other Geoff has been making a lot of money from his band and he knew we wanted a new house so he bought it for us. He also sent us a plane ticket and concert tickets to go visit him on tour! We all lived happily ever after.
Except for Sal and Paul Wesley.
THE END (:
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Tonight's Biggest Loser// Sal Vulcano & Geoff Wigington
FanfictionSal Vulcano gets tired of being tonight's biggest loser and decides to come after all 5 of my husbands.
