Pregnant With Louis Tomlinson

One: +

        I can remember to the exact detail the day that Louis and I got married. It was the best night of my life. His mother decorated everything to perfection in the simplest way possible. I told her that all I wanted was lights. And that's all there was. Christmas lights from corner to corner, of every make and color, winding up and down windows, tables, chairs, beams and the altar. The lights had been turned off and the night had fallen.

        I remembered the night before where I got cold feet. Louis and I weren't allowed to see each other until the ceremony and I was losing my mind. I didn't have a choice but to call him. He always kept me calm. He always knew the right thing to say. And I did call him and I told him exactly what was on my mind.

        "You love me, don't you?" he asked, his voice firm and certain.

        I nodded. After realizing he couldn't see me, I spoke. "Of course I do."

        I could almost see him smile. "And you want to be with me for the rest of your life?"

        I nodded again. "I can't live without you, Louis. But are we doing what's right? Is this right? Why am I so nervous?"

        I set the phone down and put it on speaker, looking at it, wishing that I was seeing him instead. "I don't see how it could be wrong. I love you so much and I know you love me too. I asked you to marry me because I want to wake up every morning to you in my arms. I want to travel the world with you. I want to fight with you when we get annoyed with each other. I want to have a family with you and some cute little kids running around the house. I want you. And there's no doubt in my mind that tomorrow I'm going to be standing at that altar and that I won't shake or stutter. I won't worry or fear a thing. This is right. This is what my heart is telling me to do."

        I wiped the tears that had fallen down my face and sniffled. "I want everything you want," I concluded. "But I might shake a little."

        "I'll hold your hands if you want," he said.

        With that I went off to bed and the following day I woke to get ready. I put on my dress, got myself as good looking as I could, and walked down the narrow path to the altar. I shook a lot, but once I got there, Louis' bright smile calmed me. He automatically, and before time, leaned in to kiss me and took my hands in his tightly. Never once did he take them away, nor did his eyes leave mine. And as he said his vows, he did not stutter. When I said mine, I didn't either. He gave me that courage.

        We had the reception and went on to our honeymoon. There was when we first slept together. I was a virgin. He was not. But I got pregnant.

        Two months in I had a pretty bad fall while I was cleaning our apartment and I had a miscarriage. It was, by far, the most devastating thing to happen to us as a couple. I cried myself to sleep for over a week. Of course Louis hurt too, but he was more reserved about his feelings. I could tell he was down most of the time, but he worried more about me than himself. He'd talk to me as I cried and he'd tell me everything was alright.

        "This is just an obstacle. We'll have our family soon. Don't you worry. I promise, everything will work out."

        And when the pain of having lost my first child began to ease, we tried again. And again. And again. And so many more times that I lost count. And it just wouldn't happen. I didn't know if it was me or him, but something definitely wasn't working.

        Until tonight, of course. I knew there was something up when I woke up nauseous in the middle of the night. And something inside me came to life. I could feel this time it was different.

        I sat up quickly, trying to rock the bed the least possible as I got up and went to the bathroom. I closed the door before I turned the light on, so as not to wake Louis in case it was really nothing. I squinted against the light, but I didn't really care as I reached into the cabinet to find one of the many pregnancy tests we had bought. I had already taken about five or six, all negative.

        I followed all the steps quickly, still adjusting to the light in the bathroom as I placed the cap back on and waited. What if this time it actually happened? What do I tell Louis? How do I tell Louis? Should I surprise him? Should I just wake him up?

        Minutes passed before I realized I had dozed off, thinking. I couldn't stop myself from thinking. I knew it was wrong to get my hopes up, which I always did, only to come back disappointed to tell Louis it just hadn't worked, but I couldn't help it. It really did feel different this time.

        I reached over for the test and then set it back down. Instead, I picked out another test from a different box and followed the instructions once again, allowing myself the time to continue thinking. I wanted to be absolutely sure whether I was or wasn't pregnant. And when I had counted out the last seconds, I set them both side by side, stood, and took a deep breath.

        +

        Pregnant

        I covered my mouth with both my hands to muffle the scream and sob that came from my lips. I was crying and yelling all at once. I was already unable to control my emotions.

        I took both tests in my hands and looked them over again and again to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me. And then knew that I couldn't keep it to myself. Louis deserved to know now. And I wouldn't be able to keep it to myself anyway.

        I opened the door slowly so that it wouldn't creek, and sat on the bed slowly. I reached out to touch his shoulder and I lightly shook on it.

        "Louis," I called out softly, careful not to startle him.

        "Hmmm?" he replied, turning his head to my direction. His eyes were still closed. "What time is it?"

        "It's three in the morning," I told him, trying to keep my voice level. I was still freaking out and I didn't want him to get scared.

        His eyes opened and squinted against the bright light from the bathroom. "Are you alright? What're you doing up?" he asked, his voice groggy. He looked so beautiful.        

        "Um, well, I wasn't feeling too good. But then I thought that maybe..." I lost my control. "It doesn't matter. I'm pregnant."

        His eyes continued to look at me doubtfully. When my words sunk in, they widened and he propped himself up onto his elbows. "You're joking."

        I shook my head violently, smiling widely.

        He sat up all the way and laughed, pulling me into his arms and hugging me to him so tight I could hardly breathe. He pulled back slightly to look at my face. "Are you for real? Are we really going to have a baby?"

        "Yeah. I'm telling you the truth. I'm pregnant," I told him.

        He kissed me so tenderly. I'd never felt anything like it. "I love you. I love you so much. I love you so much, Hannah," he continued to tell me between kisses.

        I had never felt so happy. I had never been so excited, either. Of course, I had no idea what kind of ride I was in for.