𝐎𝐒𝐇𝐔𝐍

three

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Faint voices wrap around and choke me.
"Oshun gives life to the lifeless.
Heals the wounds of the broken.
Oshun puts her hand over the heart of her people
Even when her health is feeble.
Oshun leads with the moon by her side,
Working throughout the night.
You are chosen to lead with the abilities of Oshun."

I'm supposed to be dead.

I gasp for air, hand reaching for my heart. I was soaked in water.

I was back on land, facing up at the sky. Moon above me, as if it was peering into my soul. I roll over, looking at my reflection in the shimmering water.
My hair was longer, now laced with etches of silver throughout-falling in front of my face.
My eyes belonged to a new soul as if they belonged to a different person. My eyes reflected in the little light from the moon.
Like ice.
They looked delicate, fragile to the touch.
I was different.
I was chosen.

I put my hands
around my neck
and squeezed
not wanting to
breath in
the thing
that's kept me.
Here I am
vulnerable,
open for all
the world to see.
My eyes land
on you
as I drown
in my
suffocation.
You watch as I
unravel under the
blue mass
of oxygen loss.
You lift me up
breaking the
invisible chains
that ground me,
that kept me
in the same.
I look into you
and see the
future I once
craved,
limitless life.

Tears fall down my cheeks as I continue to gasp for air. I feel like my body is on fire. I hurriedly move into the water. Feeling it wrap me in it's inviting warmth.

This isn't what I wanted. My heart is still bogged down by all of my previous feelings. Nothing has changed. I still feel the urge to let the water swallow me whole but no matter how many times I tried it, I know I wouldn't die. I'm now blessed with the life span of the chosen, limitless life until it meets the hand of my demise. 

I looked up at the moon. Pleading for an explanation. I knew what had happened to me, and it was rare. The moon saw me when I let go when I wanted to drown all my sorrows. When I wanted to wash the perils of my life away...I'm conflicted. I don't know why I was chosen. I don't know what the moon saw in me. I was trapped within myself trying to claw my way out of my hole. I was lost, trying to navigate my way down a hill with a blindfold. I get up, shaking as the wind blows. I have no recollection of what happened. I just know that it had something to do with the big thing that shined down on me. It was the last thing I saw before I closed my eyes.

I'm exhausted. I see no point in continuing to live the way I am. I only know one person, and that one person can barely look at me. I want to be happy. As happy as I was in my little village. I can't remember the last time I genuinely laughed or smiled, but I do remember the feeling that I got when I was around my family. How I felt, loved. I haven't felt that way in a long time.

I was so close to feeling that way again. 

I stand, feeling the water runoff of my body I walk away from the waterfall as tears slowly run down my face. I follow the dirt path to the little shack I call home with the moonlight lighting the way.  

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