Not Her

CHAPTER 7

‘You need to eat something, you are getting so skinny.’

On the dinner table, mom was staring at me worried, she noticed that I didn’t touch my plate; I just couldn’t eat. It’s not like I hated that Pasta; my mother is an awesome chef; like literally. She’s the chef of her own restaurant “Perl’s”. Since she was young, my mother’s only passion was gastronomy; she loved cooking and creating new meals or add her unique touch to the greatest dishes ever.

Since my grandparents were two very open-minded people, they had let her follow her dream of becoming the chef she wanted. They provided her with everything she needed and supported her all the way financially and mentally.

I loved my grandparents, especially Grandpa; we were very close. I use to connect with him on a whole different level. He had such a great sense of humor and only one philosophy for life: "Live your life like nobody's watching." I can't deny the influence he had on me, he helped me build some self-esteem.

When my parents were busy working, he was playing their part gladly. He attended every soccer game I played and every school musical I participated in. He was present in every birthday and every family event. Always there to stand by us. And by me precisely.

Losing him was the most painful thing I had to go through in my life. If he was still alive, he would have understood me. Because he understood my mom. Her dreams were crazy too. She wanted to leave the country and go to study across the globe, in the most expensive country there is. And yet he believed in her.

She studied gastronomies for six years and got her diploma. When she got back; her parents were so proud of her, so hey kept their promise and helped her establish a small business. And now It turned to one of the biggest restaurants in the city.

I can't help but be proud of her but also intimidated by her success. Because no matter what I’ll do. It would be nothing compared to her accomplishments.

‘I’m not hungry Mom.' I answered politely, hoping she won’t insist. She looked at my father then he glanced at me.

I knew where that was heading: WE ARE GOING TO “TALK”.

‘Laura your father and I are really concerned about you,’ she started.

Here we go again, I don’t think I’m capable of going through this shit with Mom and Dad today. It always ends up bad and fucks up with my mood.

It’s not like we fight or anything; I don’t even argue with them. I don’t argue with anyone actually. It’s a waste of time and energy for me to try to prove my point to others. But when it comes to my parents their words affect me because I know they are not always wrong.

'Why ?!’

‘First of all Miss Nancy called us, she told us that you’re not improving your communication skills. She said that your exam marks are very good but you barely speak or participate in class, you’re not even talking with other students.’

‘Sure, I’ll start chit-chatting in class,'I interrupted making Jason chuckle.

‘I’m serious Laura. I thought you were doing some effort with this matter. We talked last summer about this and you promised you’ll try to socialize and be more active. I thought I made it clear: You won't succeed in life by being an introvert. No matter how talented and smart you are.’

'Have you heard of Albert Einstein? Bill Gates? Gandhi? No? What about JK Rowling?' I turned towards Jason, 'you know her right? That very extrovert girl who wrote that series of books you are obsessed with.'

Jason nodded with a little smirk.

'Laura! You know what I mean,' she said a bit angrier. She started a long monologue about how I am not appreciating them, and how awfully I changed these past four years and how I never listen and never try hard enough...etcetera.

Eyes down my plate mixing that spaghetti a hundred times before eating it. I was getting more and more upset with every word she said. But I wasn’t going to respond with anything. Just keeping it calm. Like I always do.

Actually, I remember “talking” about this whole situation before but I don’t think I agreed on anything.

It is clear that they are trying to do the right thing here but they are a little too late. They must be thinking that somehow it’s their fault I turned out like this which is not completely wrong.

‘Jason, if you have finished your dinner go to your room,' Dad said finally.

That’s when I knew this discussion was far from over. ‘Call the police,' I whispered to him. He smiled at me, got up and left us so gladly. He hates family drama anyways.

‘Let’s talk about something else other than school,' started dad wiping his lips with the napkin. ‘Shall we?’

Here we fucking go.

Mrs. Richard; the brilliant psychologist, he doesn’t talk much. But if he is intervening in any discussion he is basing it on his psychology degree and twenty years of experience, dealing with mental psychos even crazier than me.

He developed this habit of treating everybody as if they were his patients which is pretty annoying.

‘Answer me truly, I won’t get mad about anything.’ I nodded without looking at him.

‘Do you use any kind of drugs?’

‘ARE YOU SERIOUS?’ I yelled laughing at the same time. It was too stupid I couldn't help it. ‘I’m really disappointed in you, dad. You went too far this time. Your “diagnostic” is very mistaken.’ I dropped the fork down getting up.

'Sit down,' he said.

My mother didn’t seem surprised at all. I looked in her eyes for backup but she joined him.

‘Laura, you are never out of your room. All you do is sleeping, you’re getting so thin and tired all the time, even now your eyes are sleepy… what is happening to you?’

Now I feel stupid for giving them the reasons to think that I do drugs. I wish I were, at least I’ll deserve this shit.  My angriness turned into sadness, I thought I owed them an explanation, but what should I say? "Relax guys. I don’t do drugs. I’m only going mad over this guy that I like, who has been absent for school for the last ten fucking days and I have no fucking clue why… yeah and by the way; can I get a dick instead of this vagina? That would be really cool."

I imagine their reaction If I actually said that, my mother will go crazy, she will probably faint out or something. She is very dramatic. My dad won’t get mad; he will try to understand the situation. He always knows the right thing to do and say.

But not tonight apparently.

‘Please do not worry about me, I promise you: I don’t take any kind of drugs I have never even smoked, I swear. You can search every corner of my room or even do me a blood test or whatever. I would never do that to you guys,'

Let’s hope that was comforting a little. My mom fixed me for a little while. She looked a little convinced. Dad didn't.

‘I’m sorry, can I be excused now?’ I asked sighing. He nodded. I went to my room and slapped the door behind me.

Even though my parents probably think I’m a junkie.  And my grades are dropping faster than an Eminem beat. The only matter that kept me up the whole night was not knowing where the fuck was Jordan.