Same Drugs (Billy Hargrove)

fight or flight

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I swerved slightly on the road, but luckily there was nobody around to potentially hit. I tried my best to keep the wheel steady, but my nerves were getting the best of me. Billy placed a hand on my right thigh and rubbed it with his thumb gently, "Relax, okay?" I froze up, sucking in a harsh breath. "That's really not helping," I said dryly, wanting him to just stop touching me for the time being. He chuckled and put his hand back on his lap. "Billy, what's been going on with you?" I asked in a more serious tone. I only came to his house to figure out what I had been meaning to ask him since I saw him in the diner with his family. 

"Nothing," He said, and although I couldn't see his face, I could tell there was not even a smirk in sight. Billy's family was a touchy subject for him, and I knew that I wasn't going to get a lot out of him. "You can tell me, Billy. You can trust me," I said. "Trust you? We have no foundation to base any trust on," He said gruffly. "What's that supposed to mean?" I said, stopping the car by slamming on the brakes. I pulled over to the side of the random road we were on and turned to face him in my seat. "It means you're flighty, Jamie, and ditzy. I don't trust you as far as I can fucking throw you," He said. 

"How is that fair? I know we've had our spats, but one thing I pride myself in is being loyal. It's not my business to expose other people's personal lives. I'm not sure where you get off not trusting me, but let me know if I personally hurt you," I hissed. "How can I fucking trust you when you fucking sprint from new guy to new guy?! You latch on to every guy who filters through this goddamn school!" He snapped and my eyes widened in realization. Was he being serious? "GIVE ME FUCKING EXAMPLES!" I shouted, almost at my breaking point. "Oh, I don't know, how about OLIVER AND SAM?!" He yelled back at me. "I can't have friends?! Besides, Sam isn't even new! He was here before you and he's my closest friend!" Billy rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I wonder how you got so close." "God, you need to grow the hell up, Hargrove. Just because your dad is a dick to you, that doesn't give you the right to treat people like dirt!" I yelled, my eyes watering slightly from the back and forth yelling. I liked to look tough, but when people really yelled at me, my facade cracked. "Shut the hell up, you fucking whore. You know NOTHING about my dad and my family," He said through a cracked voice. 

I ignored the slur and bit my tongue. I knew I had crossed a line bringing up his father, so I tried a more calm approach. "Then tell me," I said softly. I wanted him to trust me. I wanted our relationship to be less rocky all the time. I even wanted us to try to be friends. Billy hesitated, but sighed eventually, visibly giving in. "I'm trusting you, Harrington. If I find out from the fucking basketball team that you told anybody, I swear I'll-" "I won't tell anyone," I said firmly, looking him directly in the eyes. His eyes softened when they met mine, and I decided to go further. I reached out and touched his arm gently, reassuring him that it would be fine if he told me what was hurting him inside. "My dad's an asshole," He started. "He beats me, he yells at me, and he loses his shit on the whole family every single fucking day. He made my mother- my real mother- leave me. That's why he married that she-devil and invited Carrots to live with us. We moved from California after they got married and my dad's been so fucking angry ever since," He said. 

"I'm sorry Billy, I really am," I sympathized with him, but he didn't seem to take it the way I would've expected. He rolled his eyes and chuckled, something I didn't see coming. "I don't need your pity," He said. My face remained serious, but he seemed amused. "Caring about someone isn't the same as pitying them, Billy," I said. "You care about me, sweetheart?" He purred and I scoffed, starting the car again. "How dumb of me to think we could actually have a conversation," I said as I began to step on the gas pedal. "Okay! Alright, I'm sorry," Billy said, touching my arm again to get my attention. I stopped and shut the car off again. "I don't talk about my, feelings and shit, ever. Fuck, Jamie, you're the only person I've ever told this stuff," He admitted. 

"I want you to be comfortable with me. I need you to be comfortable with me. I don't know what it is about you, but there's something that just, like, draws me to you. I don't know if that sounds stupid, but-" "It's not stupid," Billy said, interrupting me. We looked at each other for a while until I leaned on the window with my elbow and looked out the window, running my hand through my hair. "I can't believe you thought I was dating Oliver or Sam," I said with a slight chuckle. "Well, what was I supposed to think?" Billy said, reciprocating the laugh that I had produced before. I looked at him as he looked out the windshield, out into the night, and something in me ignited. He looked different than I had ever seen him before. He looked vulnerable but in a good way. He looked raw. Leaning over in my seat, I turned towards him, getting very close. He turned and looked at me, more specifically looking up and down from my lips to my eyes back to my lips. "Can I do something crazy?" I asked breathlessly, and when he nodded, I kissed him. 

As our lips connected, my head spun. The knots in my stomach became dispersing butterflies, leaving as soon as we touched. I opened my eyes for a half a second to see his shut tight, focused on what was happening. I smiled into the kiss and felt his smile back. I mumbled something into the kiss, something lost between our tongues, and I felt a gentle nip at my bottom lip. When we finally broke apart, breathing heavily, I couldn't help but crave more. I got out of my seat and sat on his lap, facing him. We kissed more until I was pulling his shirt off and things started happening faster and faster. I wasn't against it though. He pulled a small tinfoil wrapper out of his wallet and I smiled, helping him out with it. "Hell of a driving lesson, Hargrove," I giggled. "Shut up," He laughed. 

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a/n: nobody's commenting anything:( does anyone like this book or is it garbage