Reasons ★ JENLISA

6

Day 6- Happiness

               School was nothing different from the day before it. People bustled by me, occasionally waving at me while I gave them a smile in return.

A fake smile, may I add.

               Everyone has always assumed that I was one of the average teenage girls at school, perfectly fine with no problems whatsoever. I mean, under my forced smile, how could anyone possibly tell that something was wrong with me?

               They couldn’t.

               Under that smile was a bundle of dirty little secrets that no one would imagine were mine. I mean, who could ever predict that Jennie Kim was an orphan? Or that her parents were killed in a road accident? Oh, wait. This was the best one yet. Who the hell would’ve guessed that Jennie Kim tried to kill herself?

               No one.

               “Jennie, what the hell are you doing here?” a voice asked, startling me from my thoughts. “It’s lunch time.”

               I stared up at Lisa, who was hovering over me. She was staring down at the pile of textbooks laid out in front of me.       

               “What the hell does it look like I’m doing?” I asked. “Collecting all the physics books in the damn library to feed the hippos? No. I’m studying, dip wad.”

               Even after I basically snapped and told Lisa off, she still managed to let out a laugh.

               What the hell was wrong with her?

               “That one will be stuck on my mind for a while.” Lisa paused, before pulling me up from my seat. “Come on, let’s go.”

               I gave her a bland look, as she pulled me out of the library. I looked back at my pile of textbooks that I failed to put away, but Lisa dragged me away. “Where are we going?” I asked, as Lisa took me outside. “We aren’t ditching school, are we?”

               Lisa chuckled, giving me a small smile. “Yes, we are.” She paused, looking at me mortified expression. If Mother Bom knew that I cut school, she would be beyond disappointed. Never have I ever cut school, gotten detention, let alone forget to do homework. “Live a little, Jennie.”

               I loosened up at her words, as we began to exit the school gates. My shoulders relaxed, as Lisa led me towards the park just a few blocks down from the school. The park was always filled with kids from our school, thinking they were all that because they smoked weed by the corner. But today, the park was nearly deserted.

Everyone was still in school, I guess.

               “This is what I ditched school for?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

               “You have high expectations, you know that?” Lisa asked teasingly.

               I glared at her, smacking her chest with my back hand. I let out a low laugh, rolling my eyes. “You better find something that will entertain me, because if you don’t, I’m going to sneak back into the school.”

               Lisa laughed, grinning at me with amusement shining in her hazel eyes. “You’re really cute, Jennie.”

               My head snapped towards her, as I did a double take to make sure if I heard her correctly. When I gave myself a light pinch on my hand, I felt the pain.

               I wasn’t dreaming.

          Lisa Manoban called me cute.

               I wanted to feel happy, but I just couldn’t.

All I felt was anger and frustration.

               What game was she trying to play with me? I made a deal with her. I didn’t agree to sign up for all of this flirting crap that Lisa did to make me feel all warm and jittery.

               “You know, Jennie, when a person compliments you, you’re supposed to thank them.” Lisa's voice tingled with amusement, which only made me want to punch her. She was making me happy, and I couldn’t stand it. It was wrong for me to be happy while my parents were dead. I didn’t deserve to feel good.

               “I want to go back.” I muttered, pushing past her shoulder.

               From the corner of my eye, I could see Lisa's face falling. Her hand latched onto my wrist, pulling me around. When my eyes met hers, I held in my breath. Her hazel eyes were so full of emotion; confusion, anger and pain.

               “Wait, did I say something wrong?” she asked me.

               I shook my head, refusing to speak as I bit down on my lower lip.

               Lisa didn’t back down without a fight, as she tilted my chin up with her fingers gently. “What’s wrong with you, Jennie? Why the sudden change of mood?”

               “You won’t understand.” I tried to make myself sound strong. But, my voice only came out strained and weak.

               Lisa's face flashed with pain, causing my heart to ache. “I won’t understand?” she repeated with disbelief. “I’ve understood this whole time!”

              My face softened, as I stared back up at Lisa. She actually looked really worried about me. I think she actually cares. Maybe she wasn’t agreeing on this deal because she wanted to be nice.

               “I just feel,” I paused, letting out a deep breath of air, “happy.”

               Lisa frowned, obviously confused. “Isn’t that a good thing?”

               I sighed. “Yeah, but I shouldn’t be happy. I mean, my parents are dead and I’m an orphan and all. I shouldn’t deserve to be happy.”

               Lisa pulled me close to her, as my eyes widened from the sudden movement. My body was pressed up against her, as she wrapped her arms around my waist. She buried her head into my neck, breathing me in. “Jennie,” she started off, “you deserve everything. You deserve to be happy.”