Billdip: An improbable ship that's actually rather popular

Goblin Therapy

Bill's POV:

I arrived back at my pyramid late that night, a timing that was purposeful, so I wouldn't run into anyone.
Sure, the henchmaniacs tended to party all night long most nights (not that there was anything to party about mind you), but after the spike I'd slipped into their drinks this morning, I knew they'd all be out cold.
I allowed myself a smug little smirk of mild victory as I stepped over their unconscious bodies, and headed up to the penthouse suite.

After entering and locking the door behind me, I flopped onto my bed, letting out an exasperated sigh.

How long would I keep up this pathetic little emotional ordeal with Pinetree!? The whole thing was bullshit!!! I knew that!!! I also knew that despite the effort I put in, the chances of Pinetree even liking me was a solid -6% (aka. Low). I mean, I can't exactly blame him. I did try to kill him and his family and take over the world.

I rubbed my palm across my forehead and groaned to myself in frustration, cursing everything about the human mind and body. It's not my fault this is happening! This meatsack must be faulty!!!

"God damn it... stupid meatsack body... making me feel stupid meatsack things.... stupid Pinetree..." I growled quietly. I'd found that channeling unknown or undesirable emotions into rage helped!

And THIS emotion, was both unknown AND undesirable!

A heavy knock at the door quickly snapped me out of the stage of passive aggressive rage.
Which was quickly replaced by an aggressive rage.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT!? CAN'T YOU TELL I'M FUCKING BUSY!!!"

I could practically feel the person behind the door flinch.
"U-uh sorry Boss!!" Came the low, gruff, but surprisingly meek voice of 8-ball - essentially my second in command (for brute strength over intelligence). "I just wanted to check in, make sure you're doing alright..."

"Pfft! Why wouldn't I be ok!?" I answered snappily.

"I dunno... I just... I've noticed you've been acting strangely lately...! I thought you might need some emotional support!"

"Emotional supp- ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!? DO I LOOK LIKE I NEED HELP!!?? YOU TRYNA SAY I'M WEAK OR SOMETHING!!!!?" I screamed, no longer able to contain all the pent up anger.

8-ball went silent for a few minutes, and I was just starting to think he'd left, when he spoke up again.
"... can I come in?"

I huffed and reluctantly unlocked the door with a click of my fingers, letting 8-ball lumber in and plonk down into a sitting position on the bed beside me.

"You can tell me what's going on, boss. I won't judge you" he reassured me, doing his best attempt at a smile. It ressembled more of a snarl but I still appreciated the gesture.

"Oh please. Your IQ isn't even high enough to comprehend judgement. So... I guess there's no harm in telling you..."

He waited patiently as I took a moment to compose myself.
I took a deep breath.

"I'm in love with Dipper Pines"

Wow. Therapy from a pea-brained goblin with 8-ball's for eyes. That's a new low for you Cipher. A new low.