from a septennial of life to now
i've always heard the train
every night
it honks twice and then it approaches steadily
sometimes it shakes the whole house
ever so slightly,
and when i was young
for some reason
that brought me peace.
even when i knew waking up the next day would be painful,
at night
that train
brought me peace.
when i grew older
and i got too used to the train to be able to hear it,
i searched for peace in new places.
i found it sometimes.
in music
or in books
but every once in a while i find
a person.
a very special
beautiful
person
and the feeling they give me reminds me so much of the train
and i latch onto them.
like a leech
maybe?
no.
i don't take anything from anybody.
i just like to bask in the beauty that they naturally emit.
but the thing is
sometimes
i forget that i am human too
and sometimes
the beautiful people who bring me peace
never intended to do so, never
wanted to do so.
i hate having feelings.
it's so
conflicting
because i still feel the peace
but i feel the heartbreak as well.
like i said,
i'm older now.
i deal with different things.
too many things.
i am so
so
tired.
they will always be beautiful rays of sunshine to me.
beautiful
painful
rays
of sunshine.
maybe its good
that they don't want me
anywhere near them,
because then it hurts less.
