"you better get in line." minho's eyes look up from his phone, elbows resting on his knees. he wasn't in jisung's personal space, but he was definitely closer than he usually was. they both knew this, but neither of them say a thing.
"oh, it's already time?" minho says, eyes following the groups of people queueing the security line. he returns to look at jisung's face, his mouth open a little. the thought of his blissful grin had jisung feel his first pangs on his shattered heart.
desperation. jisung smiles more, trying to get the dark feeling out of his heart."i think i have a few more minutes," minho says, and jising doesn't fight it.
he doesn't want minho to leave.
he desperately wants to tell minho to stay. but how selfish would that be?
jisung can't offer minho his hopes and dreams; he doesn't want to hold such a talented boy back because of his feelings. they both stay seated quietly, watching as people go back and forth.
jisung still thought of how hilarious and twisted this all was. him, seeing the boy he loves leaving, never to be reunited with him again. jisung another pang.
sadness.
desperation.
the realization he won't see minho every day; doing homework together and boba runs every now and then. trying his disgusting black coffee and their duets together. it feels like the wind has been knocked out of jisung's lungs, but he doesn't say a thing.
emptiness.
longingness.
jisung watches as the queue gets longer, and he stands up. minho watches his movements but he doesn't raise his head.
"i really think you should get in line now," reality seeps into jisung's words, and he truly despises the way he sounds. dispairing. cold. detached. it was utterly the worst thing jisung has experienced, watching the way minho gets up. the way his hand rests on the handle of his luggage, the way his doe eyes look into his and pierce through his already broken soul, the way he bounces up and down nervously and wonder at this new chapter in his life. another pang. devastation. jisung can only walk with minho, trailing behind him as he stands adjacent to the entrance. minho finally looks at him, sparkling brown eyes swimming with so much emotion jisung's terrified of speaking. but he has to.
"i'm so proud of you," jisung starts, and they're both amazed that he hasn't started crying yet. "you're going to do a whole lot amazing things there."
"and of course i'll miss you so much, but you better go out there and have a ton of fun and take lots and lots of beautiful pictures with that polaroid camera we never used." a bitter smile forms itself onto jisung's face, his eyes soon pricking with tears.
"jisung, please don't -"
jisung holds a palm up, head turned to the side so minho doesn't see what him saying his name does to jisung.
"and you're going to make so many friends! people will love you there." jisung stops himself there, feeling his breath hitch. he wasn't going to cry. he wasn't. no crying.
"and eat a ton of delicious food and cakes and drink so much boba your stomach hurts." he manages to chuckle, and so does minho. jisung watches the line getting longer, so he looks at him again. one last time.
"this is it." he says. minho doesn't breathe, just nods his head and pulls him into a hug. such a tight one, jisung can't tell who's holding on ever so tightly. minho lets go soon after, his eyes sparkling like diamonds.
"no crying on me, minho," jisung teases. even with tears rimming his eyes, they don't fall.
"hey! i don't cry!" minho counters, but he just laughs and blink away the tears.
"i know you don't," jisung smiles at him. he grabs his shoulders and led him towards the queue. "now, go! i can't have you crashing on my couch any longer!" he jokes, even though the thought of going back to an empty apartment rips him apart.
"okay, okay! man, i would think you're trying to get rid of me," minho smiles, a small one. he takes a few steps forward, and then retreats, pulling jisung into another hug.
"please, minho, please get in line! i won't leave until you're done." he just nods, rolling his carry-on next to him. the next five minutes were minho making funny faces to him and sending him memes, all of which makes jisung laugh. and how badly he wanted to stand next to minho, shoulders knocking against each other and laughing in joy and happiness. to see the way he laughs so boyishly when he accidentally trips, how his laugh makes jisung feel like you can see the moon and the stars in a sunny day.
jisung watches as minho takes out his boarding pass and id, passport out and ready. he lets his first tear fall, don't even bother wiping it away. some of the businessmen are staring at you, though he could not care less. they keep coming. minho turns around to look at him and thankfully he's at enough distance that his tear stains can't be seen.
minho's waving jisung off, trying to convince him that he should go home, but jisung doesn't. he can see minho laugh in exasperation, plopping his backpack on the conveyer belt. and jisung's full on silently crying.
no sobs yet to come, just tears falling so easily. jisung watches as minho steps through the metal detector, small frame being scanned entirely. he passed through, and for a moment jisung loses sight of him. it takes a second to find him once again. he was bent down tying his shoelaces into a double knot.
minho catches him again and waves, big sweeps of his hands. jisung laughs silently to himself. he covers his mouth, not wanting any sobs or tears to appear. he takes a few deep breaths, observing the way he organizes his backpack and all. this is it. minho turns around one final time, when jisung's wiping his tears away.
minho turns back but when he sees jisung furiously wiping his face, he stays still. jisung sniffs loudly and waves his hands in an exaggerated manner, trying to get him to leave. jisung takes out his phone, telling minho to hurry or he'll be late! of course, he put his phone in his backpack so he doesn't read it. minho's just staring at him, walking backwards now. the overwhelming feeling of loneliness overwhelmes jisung immediately, and he turns around swiftly.
jisung hates it. he hates everything. he gets out of the airport so fast, his feet carrying him to his car. unsure of how he even got there, he gets in and just loses it. whole body sobs wreck him, shaking him and thoughts of minho's fading figure has him crying even more.
"i thought i could handle it," jisung exclaims on the phone. "i was doing well! i said everything i wanted to, and i didn't - i didn't even cry in front of him!" jisung hiccups, his words spilling out of his mouth in an instant. "but it fucking hurt, hurt so much when he just kept getting smaller and then he was suddenly gon-" his voice breaks, another sob escaping him. jisung drops the phone out of his hands, letting it fall onto the floor of his car.
jisung just wails; the unfairness and cruelty of the world and his life. eventually, he quiets down, exhaustion and tiredness taking over him. the car still in park, he finishes the call, exiting the winding curves of the parking lot. jisung pays the parking ticket and finds himself in the sunny rays of the summer afternoon, but he can't be bothered to look up at the sky. he doesn't want to see an airplane take off.
jisung doesn't want to realize he has lost lee minho.
