(Lesbian) Heartbreak Hotel and Other Shitty Love Songs (LGBT) (GirlxGirl)

Track Seven: Big Girls Don't Cry --Fergie

Before you let your imagination run away with you, I didn't crash my car and fucking die, or worse, kill some innocent old lady in my path. No, I drove myself into a ditch and bawled my fucking eyes out for an hour, ignoring the incessant ringing of my phone. Rock bottom really is a cute look for me. I just needed a minute. Or, like, sixty.

Look, it's not everyday that I'm vulnerable with somebody like I was with Bethany. Yes, I see the irony, here, in that I may have encouraged teenage boy to reveal their deepest insecurities to me and then used them directly against them. But here's the difference: my issues aren't just, I haven't felt like my dad loves me since I quit the baseball team, they're, I'm a manipulative narcissist who would rather drop fucking dead than admit that I'm a lesbian, oh, and the most popular dickhead in school raped me when I was 16 and I haven't felt the same around men or trusted anyone ever since.

Turns out she was just Quinton's little bitch, after all. Probably whispered everything I ever said to her right back in his ear, as if he hadn't already secured his revenge against me. I hope I gave Bethany herpes or something slutty like that. Kidding. I don't have herpes. But I wouldn't mind if she did. Admittedly, though, I didn't want Quinton to hurt her. Ever. Herpes? Fine. We can all be put in our place with a little harmless STI-- don't quote me on that. Anything else though? Unacceptable. If Quinton laid a fucking finger on her, I'd kill him-- and you know I'd do it. Serial killer tendencies, right?

"Shelby!" A voice yells, startling me from my daze, banging their hands against my window. I blink the cloud of tears from my eyes and look over to see my dad, rattling his knuckles against the window, his already creased face wrinkled in worry. Wren stands behind him, looking equally as scared. I crack open the door and he pulls me out.

"What the hell happened?" He asks, pulling me in closely for an embrace. The smell of his aftershave and the clinical hospital scent cling to his neck as he hugs me. Jeez, haven't had this much affection in years. Maybe I should drive off the road more often.

I glance down and notice that he's still wearing his scrubs.

"How did you know I was here?" I mumble, still dazed. He holds me at an arms-length.

"Baby, you're a block from school," He replies, his eyebrows furrowing. I glance around me and snort. Wow, Shelby, you really made it far. Just as far as I'll make it in life, probably.

"The school called me at the hospital to say that you never showed up to pick up Carson," He continues, rubbing his hands down the lengths of my arms as I begin to shiver. My dad turns to Wren, who looks sick to his stomach.

"Did Jenn make it to the elementary school?" He asks, helping me out of the car. I wobble on my own two feet. Wren nods.

"Yep, she wants to know if you're okay, Shelby. Carson's worried," He helps my dad steady me. I shrug. Okay. I don't know if I ever got there, or if I'll ever be close enough again.

"Tell her that Shelby's fine. I think I'm going to take her back to the hospital for a CT scan, think you can manage driving her car back home?"

The rest of their conversation fades away as I zone out.

Fuck Bethany. Thinking about that bitch is putting me in the goddamn hospital. I fucking drove into a ditch-- like some kind of drunkard, or psycho.

"Come on baby," My dads voice once again bursts through my bubble, and he leads me to his truck. My own personal doctor-chauffeured ambulance.

For some people, hospitals are a sign of comfort. If you can just survive long enough to make it through those ER doors, you're going to make it. Just keep breathing, let the doctors put their hairy hands all over you, and you're going to make it. Here, I sit in the waiting room, alone, perfectly healthy, and I already know it doesn't matter. Dozens of people are going to die here today, and I'm just waiting to have my head checked. For a concussion, dumbass, not for my mental sanity. We all know that wouldn't go over very well, anyways; It's taken you this long to decide I'm even human, right? The psych unit would have a heyday over me.