Harry Styles Imagines

Someone You Loved.

I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain.

"Yeah, I think I'll stay in tonight." I mumbled to my best friend. "I'm not really feeling the party scene today."

"Or ever." She groaned. "Come on, babe. You haven't been out in months."

I looked across the pavilion, Harry and his clan sitting on the ledge of the fountain our chancellor said would make the campus more beautiful. He never ceased to amaze me with his beauty. His simplicity. Him sitting there was enough to make my knees weak.

"Earth to Y/N." She waved her arms aggressively in front of my slouched frame. "He's not worth it."

She didn't understand. She never would. She was too obsessed with Liam to even ask why I'd become so accustomed to Harry.

He and I. At one point. We were everything. He was the sun and all my stars. He made everything make sense. And as quick as he was mine, he wasn't.

We met in astronomy. Somehow, I got roped into taking that as my elective. Literature and any other book heavy course was full. It was space or gym. I never did well with physical activities.

So, I learned about the sky. And how the stars weren't just amazing floating balls that I sometimes wished upon when they decided to fall. Or how the earth spun and perfectly synced itself with all the other planets. And how the sun and the moon somehow managed to keep us all afloat.

Harry shortly became my moon and sun. He chirped loudly in class one day about how the big bang was bullshit. "What created that bang, huh? Science can't explain great happenings. It tries, but it can't."

I followed him out that day. Praised him in my own pathetic way. I couldn't even look him in the eye. He grasped my chin and hoisted it toward his emerald eyes. "I see you, little one."

He saw me. I felt it in his gaze. While he went on and on about how our professor was an idiot, I fell for those eyes and what they possessed, who was behind them.

He was mine. For so long, yet so brief.

He knew me. All of me.

My quirks, my weaknesses, my strengths.

I knew him. All of him.

I knew that he had a scar under his chin from a boating accident when he was twelve. And that his tattoos were to cover up old wounds. Figuratively and literally. His favorite was the ship on his left arm because it took the longest and held the most meaning. "I'll go somewhere someday. Set sail to a world where I am understood and people will wish they knew me." I knew that his mum and sister were his pride and joy. And that his stepdad, Robin, was his role model. I knew that some days he cried in his room whilst listening to old Beatles records because that's what made him feel human again.

I missed him. Missing him came in waves. And on days like today, days where I looked at him, where his eyes connected with mine and I reminisced all that once was. When I see that pain I so desperately tried to heal. I drowned.

"Please come." She begged.

I shook my head. "Not tonight." I whispered. Walking past her and toward him, I hated how small this campus was. It never ceased to force me to face these uncomfortable moments. I walked past him with my head held high. In a way that made me look less upset than I truly was.

"Little one." He whispered. I heard it. I shouldn't have, but I did. I turned to the voice. I hadn't noticed his friends had vanished. Gone in the dust, leaving him with his sorrows.

"Harry." I held my chin high, something he taught me to do.

"How are you?" He asked. His eyes kindly staring into mine. "It's been a while."

"Six months. Who's counting though?" I smiled sarcastically.

"I'm sorry for wasting your time. You seem agitated with my being here. I guess I should head back to my house."

"Yeah, maybe you should, maybe you should leave. It's what you do best."

"Don't do this, please." He looked around, almost embarrassed. Worrying someone else may hear.

"I don't have pity for you anymore. I don't care that you're worried people may hear or that someone may realize we were more than just study buddies. I don't care, Harry."

He gasped. He always hated when I assumed he was ashamed of me. But it was in his actions. He loved me in private, but outside, like we were now, I was so small, a whisper lost in the wind. He never wanted this public. He never wanted me to be known as his. And I didn't blame him for that. I wasn't always the prettiest girl. Never really tried to look nice. I went to class and went back to my room when finished.

The only reason why people knew who I was was because he and I used to hang out outside of class, always holding books or worksheets, making it seem like we were just readying ourselves for an exam or test. I was never meant to be his like he was mine. I went to sleep day in and day out counting him as one of my many blessings and I was just another name in his contact list at the end of his days.

"You never cared about me."

"Don't say that. I cared for you. So deeply."

"So why did you end it so quickly?" I waited for a reply. Nothing. "Huh? Why was it so easy for you to erase me?" I whispered the end of that sentence. Almost afraid to say it aloud. "I get it. I do. I'm not perfect. I'm not like you. I don't understand the world in the way you do. But I was willing to try. I truly wanted to become better for you."

"Just stop. You were good."

"Not good enough. That's the problem with me. I am never enough." He stepped closer and mirroring his steps I went backward. "I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain." He sighed. "But that was so long ago, right? Long, long time ago."

"I'm s-"

"Save it. I don't deserve that apology. You didn't do anything wrong, right? You cared about me. You never made me hide in a closet when your friends stopped by. Or make me walk on opposite sides of the road if we were walking to your house near campus. Never. Not Harry Styles."

He looked at me and for a split second I saw guilt. But before he could bask in my pity, I did what I should've done all those months ago. "Goodbye Harry."