Take Me Away

What Does it Feel Like?

*Alec's pov*

When I had dropped Magnus off at his house and was on the way back home I finally had time to think. After he had told me about his feelings I had stuttered like an idiot, but again Magnus had made me feel okay and understood, that it was totally fine that I didn't know how to answer. I suspected that he had more of an idea of what was going on in my head than I had.

We had spent some more time in the mall. At first, it had felt weird to just go on with strolling after his declaration, but it had helped me feel at ease again. It was astonishing how Magnus seemed to make the best out of every situation, he always knew what to say and do. 

It was hard for me to define what Magnus was to me. I hadn't been that close with anyone back in Portland, apart from my siblings. I knew that he meant more to me than those friends, but I couldn't say how much he did mean to me. I wasn't able to give him a label like other people did with people, calling them friends, acquaintances, crushes or whatever.

I couldn't name what Magnus was in my eyes, I only knew that I liked him, a lot and that I wanted to spend more time with him, get to know him better. His confession had made me feel good, like my whole body was warming up from the pleasant feeling it had evoked in my stomach. Did that mean that I felt the way he did?

It was frustrating. I couldn't even ask for advice because I didn't know how to put my feelings into words. Also, Izzy would probably be even more annoying about the whole Magnus situation if I told her that I might be falling for him. And Jace wasn't exactly someone you could talk about feelings to.

In short, I had to figure it out on my own, which was easier said than done. I didn't even know where to start. Maybe talking to Izzy about it wasn't such a bad idea. But that would only work if I was able to vocalize my emotions, a skill I yet had to acquire.

I arrived at home before I came to a satisfying solution. Since it was already pretty late Jace was already setting the table for dinner and I joined him. He immediately asked me about my time with Magnus, a slight grin on his face, similar to the one Izzy gave me whenever the topic came up, but way less flamboyant.

I told him the boring facts about what we had done, leaving our conversation about feelings, and the sense of electricity when I had touched Magnus' arm, out. I trusted Jace and could tell him anything. I knew he would listen and not tease me about something that personal and important, but emotions just weren't on the list of things we talked about. We both weren't the best at putting true, raw feelings into words.

If Jace would ever meet a girl he really cared about I suspect he would go to Izzy for advice. I wondered if Clary could be that girl, he acted different around her, more gentle and less arrogant. However, I had my own problems with emotions right now and no interest in speculating about his behavior.

I was in thought during dinner, debating with myself whether to tell Izzy or not. Since I wasn't the most talkative person anyway nobody asked about it, although I did catch my sister looking at me more often than usual. But that could also be because she couldn't wait to ask me about today.

To be fair she had softened her interrogations and accepted it when I told her to stop, but she still asked. By the end of the meal I had made my decision, this time my sister didn't have to come and ask, this time I would talk to her myself.

As obtrusive as she was, I knew that, if it was getting important she would be serious about it and really try to help. I counted on that when I followed Isabelle up the stairs and approached her "Izzy, do you have time to talk?"

She looked back at me surprised "Sure." We made our way to her room, which presented her personality, all over the place, but somehow still pretty. "So what is it?" she asked grinning "I had expected you to avoid me so I couldn't ask questions."