Someone to me

Chapter Fifteen

"Counting that one, 17."

"What? So he has been trying to get a hold of me my whole life and you didn't say anything? You lied to me."

"Ok. Getting— getting those cards, it would, you know... it... just would've given you false hope."

"False hope about what? That— that I have a father that actually wants to be in my life? And he thought about me? That kind of false hope?"

"I did what was best for you, ok?"

"You did what was best for you. You— you are so selfish. I bet that he left you because you were the problem. So, what, mom? Did you get back at him by keeping him away from me?" I asked as tears streaming down.

"You don't know him." She replied crying.

I chuckled. "You're right. Thanks to you. In fact, why don't you just leave." I said walking out of the bedroom.

Walking around giving her time to get out of my bedroom I entered and just lay down on the visiting room floor. Staring at the ceiling all quiet, with tears streaming down, red nose and puffy eyes he lays down beside me. Breaking the silence he asked, "What happened? I saw your mom leave looking all tragic so I immediately started looking for you."

"Leave me alone! Ok. You have no idea what I am going through right now." I said breathing heavily.

"Stop it dammit. Stop trying to push me away." I sniffed. "Then tell me. That's how this works."

"That's how what works? We aren't anything. You have a girlfriend."

"We are friends. At least you are to me. And friends talk to each other about stuff, ok, talk to me so that I can take your hand and walk through this with you."

I crawled over to his body, emotionally exhausted, and laid down with my head resting on his chest. I later quietly and listening to his beating heart, taking a deep breath, tears flowing silently down my cheeks, then sitting down I finally explained everything.

"At this age, all the shit that happens to us makes us feel like it's the end but really is just the beginning." he looked at me. "You've got that look where you look like you got an idea but you aren't sure yet if you wanna say something."

"You shouldn't know that look." He chuckled.

"I've spent sixteen years wondering why my father doesn't want to be part of my life, but really he does. My father who isn't my father has always been absent meanwhile my father my real dad has sent me nonstop birthday cards each year." I added.

"Annnddd...?" He asked.

"He lives in St. Lawrence. I mean, do you know how close that is, in, like, comparison to the rest of the world?"

"I see where this is heading, look, it's not too late to have a relationship. There are phones in St. Lawrence."

"I'm not gonna call him. I'm not going to waste another second, tonight I am gonna see him."