LETTERS

Part 3 : The Cries That No One Care

So here I am, struggled by myself.

Trying to avoid myself to be seen as weakling. What can I do? Since that's how I born to be.

Is there any ways to stop myself from crying? Will there be someone out there who gonna do that to me?

I know myself better than anyone else.

I know myself when I'm sad nor happy. Yet I dunno what to do when things gone the wrong way.

I thought I've told myself not to be that childish. I thought I've made it clear to myself not to do the wrong way. And respect all the rules here.

People keep treating me as if it is my doing that wrong.

Well, yeah, IT'S TRUE THAT I'M WRONG!!

So just let me shout out all from my heart. Since it was so suffocating. I wish I could turn the time back and erase all my past mistakes.

But of course, that won't do. Like hell it will do.

All the things and mistake that I've done. All the things and mistakes that I wish weren't there. I wish it weren't there at all.

And yet every time I try to remember it, my tears just start to fall off.

It Suffocating. My heart ache. It hurt.

I keep crying. My tears unstoppable flowing down through my face. Make my vision goes blurry.

No one hears my cries. No one listening to this cries from deep down of my heart.

Will there one day, when someone could here the cries in my heart ?

Will there one day, when someone will stop all my actions that may cause mistakes ?

Will there ever be someone who may understand this suffocating feeling inside me ?

Will there one day, when someone gonna stop me from doing silly things such as suicide ?

I've been thinking lately, what was the purpose for me to live on. When no one out there that cares me.

What was the purpose of me living on when my eyes was blind from the kindness that people shows me.

Will there be times when I can see through someone else kindness that was pure from his or her hearts?

I wish I could find the purpose for me to live.

I ever once answer because that's what God has given to us. We only could live once.

Yet, hundred, thousands times I've got my mine on doing suicide.

I stop myself by hurting myself more.

I pretend to be strong on the outside, yet truth to be told, I'm weak on the inside.

I pretend to be a person who can be useful, yet there are people out there that aren't aware of true kindness.

I wonder if I die... will there be anyone who gonna cried out for someone like me ?

Why there aren't any people that understand me ?

Why do I always feels like wanna cry out.

I'm really are pathetic. Useless.

And that's why people didn't care about me. All there kindness are just outer surfaces.

Or am I the one who was blind from true and pure kindness ?

Could someone told me and stop me ? I wish to hurt myself to get out of this suffocating feeling.

What will I be when I grow up ? I'm not good at anything and I kept thinking all negative thoughts.

I'm clearly a hopeless person.

Whenever who you are. I beg you...please stop me.

I always got a lot of thought that its better if I'm never been born.

Save me. I beg you.

Hear me. Listen to my cries and screaming.

- Emerentia Chi