Some days you feel so elated
So happy
Confident
You love who you are
You are powerful
Accepting of yourself and everyone else
Then other days
You feel like you are about to break
On a ledge
About to fall off
You start to shake
Wishing you were awake
Pretending to be someone you aren't
Just to be accepted by everyone
Paranoia kicks in
Rushing around
Whirling your brain against you
And that voice inside
Tells you you're nothing
Nobody
You feel desperate
You hate people
But you don't want anybody to leave
You just don't want to be alone
Your emotions are out of control
Each one more extreme than the last
Reacting violently to the littlest things
Screaming
Biting down till your mouth drips blood
Tearing yourself down
You don't know who you are
What is wrong with you
Your emotions feel unreal
Like you are out of reality
You feel like someone else is controlling you
Then someone clicks
And you are normal again
Then it starts back up
All over
The intensity
Paranoia
Sensations
Chills
Overacting
Out of reality
Emptiness
You're screaming at yourself inside
But having to hide
You want to be who everyone wants you to be
Normal
One moment you love someone so much
You want to be with them forever
Even if you barely know them
No matter who they are
You care about them
Then the next second
You hat me them with all your gut
You want to hurt them so much
You will though
Then you hate yourself for hating them
Taking your pain and insecurities
Out on them
Then you want to end it
An hour later
The voice inside screams at you
How
Why
Do you even know how lucky you are
To be alive
It is illegal anyways
And the burden you would put on your family
Just why
Your anger is a fist clenching a knife
Your sadness a pain that feels like you are
Ripping your heart open
Your elation
Feels like elevation
You are flying so high
Your fear a clock going as slow as possible
Each second
Each breath
Worrying
About the things most unimaginable
Mind displays images
You wish you could close your eyes
Your eyelids are nailed up
Even if you get them closed
There would be holes
You are forced to watch
You can't hide from who you are
