Don't - A Stary Fanfiction

6

It was a dream. Not the kiss, but the act seen as sin.

Gary couldn't hate himself, only because he wasn't allowed to. Self-love was important, and the dream was only natural. Yet, it felt wrong. It then became confusing. Don't explore, don't think about it, don't touch the sacred part neither yours nor theirs- but what about an accidental dream? He couldn't find an answer, only laying in his self-hatred mess.

It was brought up that same day during lunch. The two were at a diner, having their first proper and public date since a month ago. Gary asked, "Should I become a Missionary?"

"Why," Stan asked while immediately looking to find a subtle way of shooting down the hope. Serving a mission takes time, and includes moving away. Far away. Far enough to reflect on yourself and conclude that you shouldn't be dating the same sex.

"I thought that if I serve my church and bring in new members, I could be forgiven for stepping out-"

"Sounds fake," Stan brushed off. Seeing Gary's disappointed face made him explain, "There's no free pass into Heaven; you just die and get in if you believe. Simple as that."

"I wish it was." Silence followed, being filled with the sounds of chatting and dishing clinking. It was thought about for a minute, before Stan spoke up again.

"Would it make you relieved or happy to serve a mission? If you go, you do it to make yourself happy. Not to make others happy."

Gary smiled at the point Stan missed. "I will be happy if I make other people happy first. That's what a mission is supposed to be about; spreading the word and gaining members. Seeing their happiness from being hopeful about a better life makes me happy."

"Then go for it," Stan finally said. "When would it start?"

"This summer!"

The environment stopped. This summer, as in eight months away. It didn't feel like enough time to Stan. "Are you qualified?" He wanted to shut it down even more than the first time.

There was a happy smile on Gary's face as he answered, "Yes! Definitely!"

It felt like an ending. At least, their lunch ended. But their date didn't end despite the feeling of hopelessness forming in Stan's chest. He didn't want to lose Gary to religion. He didn't want to have the dates be for nothing. He didn't want his friends laughing at him. Gary knew something was wrong, so before he left for home he had asked Stan about it.

No use in hiding it. Otherwise, it would be a lack of communication. "I think I want to keep you." Stan thought he shouldn't have said that. A look of sadness had appeared on Gary's face at those words. For a while he said nothing, then he spoke his thoughts.

"I don't know about that... We're already going in too deep."

"In what? Dating?" Frustration was present as Stan began feeling impatient.

"We already touched! We already kissed! Those were two things I didn't want to do, and you knew that!"

"You let me!" It wasn't a lie, which put Gary at a loss of words. Stan took the opportunity to continue, "There's nothing to be afraid of! Trust me, let go of your worries. Everything will be alright."

Gary shook his head, "Too many people already know. It's time to stop before my dad finds out."

"I don't care-"

"What have I done to make you like me?" Those words stopped Stan from speaking. What has he done to make him think?

He returned it instead, "Why did you want to date me?"

Silence. Thinking. Then a hug. Gary wanted Stan because he wasn't afraid of anything. Because he knew when to think for himself. Because he made others think for themselves. That's what Gary needed.

"I don't want to give you up to anything. Not to your dad, and not to your religion."