okaaay just so yall know yall are my favorite ladies because... just because.
I KNOW I'M BEING LAME ITS JUST THAT I'M REALLY NERVOUS ABOUT THIS, Y'KNOW? LIKE NOT NERVOUS NERVOUS, WHY WOULD I BE NERVOUS NERVOUS? BUT I MEAN, ITS VALID TO BEHAVE LIKE THIS WHEN YOU'RE BACK AFTER YEARS, RIGHT? okay, not years, but you know, my generation likes to exaggerate and all that stuff.
BUTT. (pun intended)
i AM OFFICIALLY BACK, BITCHES! i know i know its all like oMg mAsOn i mIsSeD yOu sO mUcH, and like, i wOuLd liKe tO fUCk yOuR iMpReSsiVe mAnHoOd aT kNiGHt BUT I ALSO HAVE AN EXPLANATION! SOUNDS VERY COOL, RIGHT?
dude, i'm a dude, okay? i don't do melodramatic shit because that is so gross jeez but i really just want to tell you guys about what happened to me. don't worry i didn't lose my virginity.
after thinking that i was protecting mia and breaking myself and her in the process, i realised how dumb my actions were and just kind of went... off. i mean how am i even supposed to put this? brian said i should explain and its good to have me back and blah blah blah it was all cool but how does one explain something that feels like closing your eyes and then waking up from a deep slumber with a determination of being better?
not going to lie, what happened kind of made me numb. i mean, it was not cool at all in my point of view. i naturally blamed myself and honestly i dont even know why, because i've always tried not to put the blame on my own self because hey, who likes change? blaming yourself definitely changes you.
like most of you, all of you actually, said, i wasn't really gone. my chirpy self was actually there, i've found it but i was also lost and i admit to that. i started to lose myself in work that mattered little and stopped living, you know? it was very depressing, still is, it's something a knight shouldn't do, so i'm definitely throwing that horrifying stuff out.
we all are on a mission that requires a lot of attention and responsibilities and concentration, we've all got some stuff to talk about and explain ourselves to you and i wanted to start, we understand what pain and stress and worry we've caused you and we're willing to work for it. i mean, you do love us, right? i hope we all can just forgive and forget and continue to live like we did.
see, ladies, we have hectic jobs. i know its no excuse, but at the same time it really is. our job really doesnt allow us to be online for even minutes, and when we do get the time we're usually surrounded with distractions. we live in different worlds and in our world, people think that staying idle and especially using your phone is basically illegal or someshit, its not okay because that shit is old fashioned but that's just how it works and we've learned to live with it, you know?
i know all of you understand and sometimes you don't but i know you're willing to. and i know its frickin hard to love people who aren't there half the time i really do understand THAT trust me when i say that but we really do try our best. three years back, we were basically freeloaders compared to now, and we had much time to use this app. we were also curious since this is the only app we're allowed to use, so we spent our time discovering new things and talking to new people, which is why it's stupid when you see that we were so active years ago but things change and this is definitely a big change. along with many awards and medals and all the good shit, comes responsibilities (cant believe IM SAYING THAT), threats, more missions and enemies to deal with and we just need some more time to deal with all that, y'know?
this mission is really important for the future, its confidential so i'm not allowed to say much BUT what i can say is that when we do come back, you'll get your answers, and you'll also get to question. it also doesn't allow wifi, this mission, i mean. so i guess half the things must be clear now since james never really stays away from ela ( wink wonk ) yuck i'm such a guy.
ANYWAY I LOVE ALL OF YOU TO LITERAL DEATH AND I HOPE IM FORGIVEN FOR ALL THE DUMB STUFF I DID BECAUSE IM JUST LOOKING FORWARD TO TALKING TO ALL OF YOU ONCE I OFFICIALLY COME BACK, THAT'S IF IM EVEN ALIVE AND LETS HOPE I AM, HUH? UNLESS OF COURSE YALL SOME PETTY SHITS.
p.s. that will be very sad.
