Finding Freedom

chapter 10

I'm sitting in a room with a long table, me at the end surrounded by all the members of the club, there all talking but I'm not really listening they all look mad. Eric said I had to tell them what had happend for me to have to kill William and I'm scared that if I tell them they wont look at me the same way, I know it's for them to understand and be able to help me to the best of there abilities but I cant help but be scared, that's all I've known for the past 5 years, how to be scared. A hand drops on mine and I followed it up using it as a road to lead me where I wanted to go, and was meet with those incredible green eyes of his. He gave me a soft nod indicating I should start talking. I looked away from him and turned my my chair got up and walked towards the window if i was gonna talk about this i wasnt gonna look at them. I wasnt gonna let them see how broken I was. I took a deep breath and open my mouth but no words came out, I mustered all the strength I had in me the one I've been building up for this moment, I straightened my backe held my head up and started talking. Hadeon next to me giving me the support I needed.

"I was 18 when i meet William, he was everything I thought I wanted in a man. He gave me a since of safety I had been looking for, I had just started college and things were going great for me. We dated for a couple of years 2 to be exact and yes there was a few red flags but I ignored them because the were more good times then there were bad." I chuckled a little thinking about how stupid I was for thinking that.

"After those 2 years we decided to move in together. He was 3 years older than me and was the CEO of a family company, he never really talked about it, work was never a subject to be brought up. And I thought it was because he didnt want to bring it home with him and i was again okay with that. It wasnt until a year after moving in together. The day of my graduation that he changed completely. He came home from work angry. And demanded I had sex with him I tried to tell him that I didnt want to until he was calmer I tried to get him to talk to me, tell me what happend, to let me help but he got mad that I wasn't listening to what he wanted. He slapped me and pulled me up to the bedroom by my hair I tried to scream and get out of his grip but that didnt work." I took a shaky breath and leaned against the window frame.

"He, he through me on the bed and punched me told me to shut the fuck up and stay still. He ripped up my dress and underwear and pushed himself inside of me. Hi hand went around my neck and he squeezed, while looking in my eyes I pulled and scratched I reach around me to try and grab anything that would help me get free, but there was nothing. All i could do was lay there and feel my soul leave my body feel how my lungs protested to the lack of oxygen how my vision stated to slowly turn back it felt like time stood still and i was stuck in that moment for ever. When he finished he got off the bed, showered and had dinner then he came back to bed like nothing happened, he held me so close that night I think it was ti make sure I didnt leave, but where would I have gone?" A tear dropped from my eye and I didnt bother wiping it.

"I felt so dirty, invaded, I felt sick. The next day I got up to find myself locked in the room windows and door locked no way out. And that was my live for a month. One day I woke up and the door was open. But I didnt dare leave the room I was scare he might have been waiting outside the door for me to come out. When he came home home that night he beat me again because i hadn't cooked said that i asked for it. Said it was the only way to make me happy, that it was the only way for me to want to live. And i didnt argue with him i got up and cooked. I did so every day the beating, the raping the abuse got worst over the years i didnt have family I didnt have friends, he told me he didnt have family and that's why we were perfect for each other because we would give each other what we didnt have a family. At this point I didnt want it a family, I didnt want kids but it happend. The bastard got me pregnant, I was 22 and he was 25 when when we found out, the beatings stopped the raping stoped but i didnt feel safe i didnt let him touch me. I knew it was a matter of time i knew once the baby was born it would happen again so I tried to leave and he found me but I tried again and again he found me. He seemed mad very mad he seemed livid but he didnt hurt me not until I gave birth at least. 2 days after I had my babies the beatings picked up it was worst though he wound use whips and belts he could tie me up and beat me till I couldn't hold my head up anymore. He would rape me and starve me and for 6 month I let it happen until I couldn't take it anymore. After one of his beating he fell asleep the babies were in there rooms crying I got a bat and managed 2 swings before he was on me again almost killed me. I could still hear the babies crying, I remembered he has a gun in the room and I made my way towards it and held it up. When he noticed he stole pacing and talking he tried to get me to drop it but I didn't I pulled the trigger until I saw him drop and then sat there, watched his blood pulling around his body. Saw the life leave his eyes, I dont know how long I sat there but eventually there was no more crying. There was no more hurting there was just silence and I enjoyed it. I loved the way it felt. After a while I saw the sun was coming up and got up got clean got dress and headed to the babies room and did the same to them I fed them sat in the rocking chair by the window and waited, what was I waiting for I dont know. Maybe some peace, maybe to feel good, maybe I was just waiting to wake up and find him choking me or for him to get up and come kill me but nothing happend a phone in the distance was ringing but I didnt move I want allowed to answer the phone ever. I'm sure no one know we were married, and that's probably why he keeped me in the house all the time. It wasnt until the sun started to set that I saw the cops were there. I dont know how long they had been there for but they didnt bother me. A detective came up to me and asked a few questions they walked me to a cop car and helped me in took me to a hospital and called social service. They took my babies for 3 month I didnt get to see them, had me evaluated and said the judge would make the decision on where or not i ever got to see them again." I was crying by now, crying because this didnt seem like it would end. And I didn't know how much longer I would be able to take it.

"My mother was right. When she named me, Mazikeen means harmful spirit. I didnt really get to know or why she named me it because she died giving birth but my dad says she picked the name. And she was right all I have is years filled of torture and harm. All I have to give e is what I've been receiving. My kids are better off with anyone else."