Emptiness

t w e n t y - t h r e e

Night came by quick and that's when the nostalgia started to kick in. Pretty soon they were going to be gone and I was back to my lone self. It was okay, because I was starting to believe in myself and the idea of being well. If I think about it, it's only seven months that I must deal with this.

The main problem was my home, my mom. I think once I'm gone, I can really be content with myself. I grab a cup and fill it with flavored sparkling water and vodka, trying my best to be healthy drinking. I was not drunk yet, and I had no plans on getting there tonight.

"Having fun?" Nate asks grabbing a beer from the cooler.

"Yeah." I whisper with a smile. "I don't want this night to end." I add shrugging.

"Hey." He says walking towards me. "Christmas is around the corner." He whispers kissing my cheek. "It will be like we never left." He continues hugging me.

"I know." I reply with smile, to make him feel better. I didn't want to worry him.

"We are running low on ice here." Amanda shouts closing one of the coolers.

"I'll be right back." I tell Nate.

"Don't worry about it," He says smiling. "I'll get it."

"No!' I reply blocking his way. "You're a guest, enjoy the party." I add giving him a quick peck.

He sighs defeated and goes back to the pool with the other guys. I go inside the house to look for some ice in the freezer. I didn't know if there was any left, so I hoping to find some there.

I get closer to the kitchen and hear voices coming from inside, so I slow my pace. Who's in there? I wonder not noticing there were people missing from the party.

"There's no reason to tell her." A male voice says, and it seems like he was exasperated.

"She's my friend." The girl says, guilt on her voice.

I take a few steps closer, trying my best to go unnoticed.

"You know how she is." He whispers, so I put my ear close to the door. "We don't know what she might do or if it will affect her recovery."

Chris? I frown trying my best not to come inside and just ask what was going on. It was no secret they didn't want people listening to whatever they were talking about. And it's pretty obvious he's talking about me. I'm the only crazy friend in the group.

"I know, but what's the big deal? She's just your sister." She says, now her getting angry. "I'm pretty sure she's doesn't give a crap about who you sleep with."

"Elizabeth!" He shouts angry. "Lower your voice." He sighs.

"You are the one screaming." She murmurs.

I frown confused, cause there's only one Elizabeth here. My Elizabeth, Liz. Did they sleep together?

"Look." Chris says walking towards her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout at you." He adds putting his hands on her shoulders. "I just don't want any problems or to ruin your friendship with her. You're like one of the few people she socializes with and I don't want things to be weird between all of use. It was a mistake; we both were drunk at that party."

"Was yesterday a mistake too?" She asks confused. "No one made you go out with me or come to my house." She frowns. "And I know we are not going to be together, you go back to your life tomorrow, but what's the harm in people finding out?"

He kisses her and I quickly look to the floor not wanting to see that. "We can still hook up when I come back on Christmas and fool around, but if people found out it's not going to be the same." He says resting his forehead against hers. "They will make a big deal about it and expect us to be together and that could ruin our friendship."

"I mean," She smiles, putting her arms around his neck. "It's fun having a secret kind of relationship, or whatever this is. I don't do commitments, but I don't mind having fun with you." She finishes kissing him again.

I turn around and leave, trying to process what I just heard and saw. Why wouldn't Chris want me to know he slept with Liz? He doesn't trust me enough to tell me? And is she really going to keep it a secret from me?

I grab my cup from the table again and drink a huge sip of it.

"Where's the ice?" Nate asks confused.

"The ice, right." I whisper. "Sorry, I went to the bathroom and got distracted." I fake laugh. "Can you go and get it?" I ask with a smile.

"Fine." He laughs.

I see Liz coming out of the house and entering the hot tub, taking a seat next to Amanda. A few minutes later Chris comes out too and walks towards the table I was standing next to.

"Hey." He says with half a smile, grabbing a cup and making himself a drink.

"Hey." I reply with a frown.

"Enjoying the party?" He asks turning around to look at the people in the pool.

"I guess." I reply shrugging.

How could he just stand there and act like he's not fucking one of my friends? Why couldn't he be honest with me? That made me wonder how many other things he might be hiding. Not only him but everyone here, my friends. Was it that easy to lie to people?

Nate comes out with a bag of ice and starts refilling the cooler. Was he hiding anything too?

Now I was paranoid with everyone for no reason.

"Hey, let me help you." Chris shouts going to him.

I sigh and refill my cup, trying to act like it wasn't bothering now things I shouldn't even know on the first place. Why do I have the tendency of listening on people's conversations?

"Kat can you bring me a beer?" Liz asks smiling.

"Sure." I whisper going to the cooler and grabbing the one she liked.

I enter the hot tub too and take a seat next to her. Watching her drink the beer slowly. She drank half of it and put it on the border on the tub. How could she pretend that nothing happened? I wonder sipping my cup. I rest my back against the border, slowly sinking my body into the water.

I would know, I was in her position not long ago.