Emptiness

t w e n t y - f o u r

"I love you." I whisper hugging him tightly. "Just a few more weeks and I will be in your arms again." I add, not wanting to let go.

"Just a few more weeks." He adds and kisses me.

I watch him, get in the car and drive away, to a better place than here. I turn to look at my house and sigh, knowing I was back to sleeping all alone.

The door opens and Chris walks out, carrying his bag to his car. I wish he wasn't leaving without telling me the truth. Now I must go to school and pretend like everything was okay around my friends. I didn't mind he slept with Liz; the lying is what's bothering me.

I walk up to him and smile. I may be mad, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm going to miss him a lot. Either I want it or not, I cared about him, which sucks. At some point I must admit that he's now kind of my family.

"Text me when you get there." I tell him as I got closer to his car.

"I will." He says closing the back door and walking towards me. "I really hope we can talk more now." He whispers. "Text me at least once a day. To know you're okay, don't keep anything from me. Alright?" He finishes concerned, kissing my cheek.

"Okay." I reply, trying my best not to frown or show in my face any emotion.

He wants me to be honest? To not keep secrets from him? That's classy.

He turns around and starts walking to his car, ready to leave. "Say hi to Rose for me." I add randomly.

He frowns for a second and then smiles. "Sure." He says before getting inside his car.

He drives away and I stare at his car until it was gone. Why couldn't he be with Rose instead? I wonder going inside. It seemed like he liked her a lot when he told me about her.

I go to the kitchen to eat something because I was feeling kind of hungry. There were plenty of leftovers of yesterday's thing and I grabbed a bag of chips to eat of until I decided what I was really going to eat.

"You shouldn't be eating that." I hear my mother say from the entrance.

I sigh and close my eyes for a moment before turning around. "I eat what I want." I whisper putting the bag aside and opening a can of chicken for my salad.

"Eating a salad is not going to fix eating badly throughout the day." She adds grabbing a bottle of wine from the fridge.

"What are you trying to do?" I shout exasperated.

"What?" She asks surprised.

It's the first time I raised my voice at her. "Are you purposely trying to get me sick again?" I ask her seriously, staring at her directly to the eyes. "Cause from where I stand, you don't give a damn about me or my health so why don't you shut your mouth for once." I shout angry. "And mind your own business." I finish, my tone back to normal again.

"You have no right to talk to me like that!" She shouts, still pretty surprised.

"No mom." I sigh not feeling like eating anymore. "From now on when it comes to my health and what I eat, stay out of it. Just stop with your unnecessary comments." I whisper putting everything back on the fridge and leaving.

I go upstairs angrily and throw myself in my bed. They literally just left and now I'm back to having her bothering me all the time. Couldn't she leave me at least one day to relax before making me miserable again?

I grab my car keys and go out, not knowing where I was going. But it was better than being stuck at my house.

I ended buying a cold coffee at a cute cafe near the park, before going there to sit and relax. I looked around at the kids, playing with their siblings or parents and something inside me hurt. I could literally feel my chest getting tight, as I saw a guy throw a football ball to a little boy.

I missed my old life. Before dad went to jail, and mom became a mean drunk. It hard to imagine there was actually a time in life when she was legitimately happy. Funny, how one mistake can ruin your whole life.

I wanted to believe my dad was innocent, he has to be, but whoever did that to our family had a special place in hell. I kept watching the random families in the park play together, but suddenly I got the feeling I was being watched and decided to leave. Besides, everyone must be thinking I'm a creep, watching little kids playing in the park.

I got inside my car and called doctor Baize office to schedule a session for this week. It sad that the only person I can trust is my therapist, but I needed to talk to someone to avoid letting my feelings become too much and do things I might regret later.

A/N
Hi, I'm so sorry I've been MIA when I said was going to post more. Quarantine has me more depressed than ever. I miss working my two jobs, college and the gym. I had a pretty active life and now I'm stuck inside my house with my mom (she's worse than Kat's mom tbh) depressed and I had no motivation to do anything :( it's save to say I probably gained weight and I'm not proud to say I've purged several time. But I'm kind of trying to get my shit together again now and hopefully I will be able to post more and be happy. I think writing is the only thing I have left. ❤️

I actually wrote these two chapters a while ago but never got around to edit them so sorry about that. Posting two more later today or tomorrow. Love you guys!!! 💕 thanks for your comments and stay safe :)