Chained

Five

I try to pull away my hand, but I can't stop. My fingers are digging into her skin, tearing whimpers from her throat. The flashlight falls to the floor, darkening my monstrous actions.

This is wrong. I have never hurt a woman in my life.

Why can't I pull my hand away?

Why can't I pull my hand away!

BANG.

My hand releases and I stumble back. Freddie grabs her throat, curling up in a defensive position.

"I'm sorry," I say breathlessly. "I don't...I blacked out."

There had been so much blood.

"I didn't mean to..."

The blood was everywhere.

Freddie coughs and looks up. I can hardly cope with what happened. Numbness bites into my hands as my insides burn. This is wrong.

I would never do that to someone.

"It's beginning," she chokes out.

The words mean nothing to me. I move away from her, breathing rapidly.

"I don't know what happened..."

That's justification.

"I have anger issues..."

That's excusing it.

"I'm sorry."

Truth. Truth that tears my soul.

She coughs again. "You couldn't help yourself."

"I should have," I say quickly. "There is no excuse for what I was doing. It was wrong. I don't understand it."

She reached for the flashlight, her quivering hand making the light dart around the room. "It's me. This is why Michael knew you would give me back. I poison people...everyone in my group does."

I shake my head. "No. No, I'm tired and I blacked out. You can't blame that on whatever weird cult ideology that Michael shoved into your head. There are just no other excuses."

Her curls glimmer in the light and the ugly red marks around her neck are illuminated. "Jason, this isn't an excuse. This is the truth. And I knew what I was doing when I got into your car. I just thought...I thought I'd be able to get away from you fast enough."

"Freddie, it isn't you," I say, trying desperately to crush my anger down.

"Do you know what it is like to look into the eye of madness?" Freddie asks distantly. "You...you don't want to know. But I've seen terrible things. If I stay with you any longer, I'll end up hurting you. Or you'll end up hurting me."

"I won't hurt you!" I snap.

I inhale, telling myself over and over to stay calm.

"Jason, there's nothing you can do! We're all helpless in the face of this madness."

"I'm not going to hurt you!"

A loud smash echoes through the room. Freddie shakily shines her light on a book that sailed across the room.

A hardcover book that I had just chucked at her.

"I'm leaving," Freddie says quickly.

"Wait!"

I jump in front of her and she flinches. I cringe and take a few steps backwards so she knows that she has nothing to fear from me.

"Okay." I rubbed my head. "I don't know what's going on with me right now. But I don't want to hurt you. Do you believe me?"