Seduce like Seuss 😵💖🥴👅💦

1. Horton has nothing on the grinch and the grinch has nothing on

Have you ever noticed that the grinch doesn't wear clothes? He doesn't need to. His thick layer of emerald hair is clothing enough, but take heed, for if it is ever shaved off, the sight of his true immortal body will make you exclusively attracted to the grinch and the grinch alone. It is like eating food from the fae, if you get a taste you will never return to human food again. The only part of his body that doesn't have hair is his feet, and so he wears shoes for your protection. Thank him. He has done you a great service. Not all heroes wear capes. Some of them wear nasty elf shoes.

Isn't it amazing that with this wattpad thing I can just type out garbage and it's just acceptable by wattpad standards? They should really screen through these because I'm not sure I should be polluting the internet like this but nobody's stopping me so why not?

Anyways, after his master plan on Christmas Eve failed, the grinch spent several months in the whospital getting his legs fixed. At one point, they had to bring in a witch named Justin E. to heal him with magic rocks, because the who surgical team couldn't shave his legs for surgery without falling prey to his bewitching grinch body. These many months were gruelling and horrible for the grinch, as the sounds of joyful whos haunted him from outside the window of his sickbed. Picturing Olivia's delicate who snout was the only thing that kept him from insanity in the whospital for all those months. Finally, after emptying his grinch pockets of cold hard cash taken from nick cage's savings account, he was sent free. (with crutches and some casts.)

The who health care system was really bad in this who country. They could really benefit from taking a look at whonada's system to help the unfortunate whos with no insurance.

Limping out into the street, the grinch was greeted with the horrible sight of leftover Christmas lights. It was well past Who Years Eve by now!! He punted a random who into the street in frustration. Why couldn't they let go of this blasphemous holiday? Taking a deep grinchy breath, the grinch thought about his plan for seducing Olivia. This was something the grinch had no experience with. He had only fooled around with yetis and a snowmen before, but nothing as serious as what he wanted with Olivia. He had the purest of intentions. That night when the pipe connected with his kneecap, he felt his heart skip a beat. He had found his soulmate, and gods be damned if he was about to give up after several months in intense physical therapy.

He was going to marry this whoman.

How to get there though, was uncharted territory.

Deciding to go back up to his mountain to brew up a plan, the grinch started walking through the downtown who area. As he stumbled, he stumbled upon a group of young whomen chattering loudly in the doorway of a restaurant, blocking the exit like a hair clog in a shower drain. They were all wearing name tags, because they were attention whores.

"I can't believe Olivia is moving away next month!" Said the who named grog.
"I know! I'm going to miss her and the rest of the dodge-neons so much!" Said the who named dorontos.
"Hey, at least she'll be swimming in hot who men and w(h)omen with Seussstralien accents!" Said the who named cat fucker.
"Hahaha lmfao lol" laughed the other two.
At this, the grinch felt white hot rage begin boiling in the pit of his fuzzy tummy.
His bae? Moving away?
Thinking fast, the grinch decided that he needed to make Olivia fall in love with him before next month was over. Otherwise, she'd be lost to him forever. He would never marry his soulmate, and he would die alone on top of his mountain, heart full of hatred and still two sizes too small.

(Seriously I think I'm writing the literary
version of cancer and I'm just allowed to put this up? This cannot be allowed)

Filled with newfound passion, the grinch hobbled furiously to the tippity tippy top of his mountain and pulled out his Samsung galaxy s10. Max cowered in the corner at what he was about to see.

The grinch, having nowhere else to turn, pulled up the wikiwho website and began to research.